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I’d Feel Bad for Those Fired Because of Roseanne’s Racism if They Didn’t Get Hired Because of Roseanne’s Racism
For the past few days I have been searching throughout my house for a fuck to give about the people who lost their jobs because of Roseanne Barr’s antics. I looked in each of the closets in each of our bedrooms. I looked in the fridge. I looked in the basement. I looked in between…
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Drake Dropping a Press Release During a Rap Battle Is the Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
Although his ’fro might not nap all the way through—and although he’s been filmed saying the n-word in a quite questionable manner—Drake is a black man. There should be no questioning or doubting of that. He was born black and he gonna die black. His daddy is a literal cat daddy who rocks zoot suits…
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Why Are White Men So Angry?
White men are our angriest teachers, our angriest cops, our angriest accountants, our angriest horticulturists, our angriest greeters at Home Depot, our angriest Uber drivers, our angriest personal bankers and our angriest presidents. Yet they run most of the companies, possess most of the money, own most of the land, and are most of our…
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Roseanne Barr Is a White Woman [Updated]
My capacity for being surprised by white people acting white is shrinking at an exponential rate. It was never a generous amount, but what was already small is getting even smaller. That said, I was somewhat surprised by the amount of surprise so many (white) people seemed to possess when they discovered within the last…
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The NFL Is an Internet Troll
I did not realize it was Memorial Day weekend until two hours ago, when the server at the restaurant where I ate breakfast asked if I had any holiday plans. “Oh yeah,” I thought to myself, while finishing the last strip of bacon and bite of egg (fried over hard) on my plate. “I guess…
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A List of Things Much Better (and Safer!) Than Water to Throw at Stupid, Silly, Dangerous Racists
Someone threw some water at sentient box of racist baking soda Tomi Lahren, and the question of whether it was a justifiable act is now apparently such a thing that our loose-bootied-ass president even saw fit to weigh in. Personally, I believe it was an inappropriate act. Although Toenail Laryngitis is a hateful and ghoulish…
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The Full Story of the White Woman Arrested for Petting a Black Woman’s Dog Is Even Wilder (and Whiter) Than You Think
As I noted yesterday, Becky With the Bold Hands went through the entire gamut of aggrieved white weaponry when she was detained by police officers for attempting to pet a black woman’s dog without permission. Tears, kicks, threats, panic attacks smoothly transitioning into lucid vulgarities—it was like watching Beatrix Kiddo at the House of Blue…
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Becky With the Bold Hands: White Woman Arrested for Attempting to Pet Black Woman’s Dog Without Permission
On the list of “Headlines I’ve always wished to write but assumed I’d never have the chance to,” “White Person Arrested for Petting a Black Person’s Dog Without Permission” might actually be No. 1, narrowly beating “Zimmerman Stampeded in Pamplona; Remains Yet to Be Found” and “Reparations Approved by Congress on One Condition: Deport R.…
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Is It Safe to Admit I’m Just Happy It’s the White Side of Meghan Markle’s Family Acting a Damn Fool?
The royal wedding is happening at some point this week. I haven’t been following the news blow by blow, but I know enough to know the main characters. Meghan Markle (who I enjoyed on Suits) is marrying Prince Harry (who is a prince). They look nice together in pictures, like the cover models for a…
