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A Running List of Things Straight Men Can’t and Shouldn’t Do Because It’ll Make Us Gay
Running List of Things Straight Men Can’t and Shouldn’t Do Because It’ll Make Us Gay
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15 (Usually) White Pickup Basketball Players We Need to Start Calling the Cops on Too
I’m just saying. If they’re going to call the cops on us for setting hard screens, we can easily return the favor. 1. The hairy guy with no shirt whose back is basically a sheen of sweat and fur. 2. The guy with khaki shorts and a backwards baseball cap on. 3. The hockey/lacrosse/soccer/football player…
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A Minute-by-Minute Breakdown of the Destiny's Child Episode of MTV Cribs in 2000
0:01: The camera pans down a spiral staircase as we’re greeted with a bubbly and aggressively southern voice that we soon learn belongs to Beyoncé Knowles, the lead singer of Destiny’s Child. And if we weren’t quite sure that she’s the leader, her entire stomach is out. Only leaders are allowed to have their entire…
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The 10 Best Things About Being a 'Confirmed Black Racist'
Over the weekend, I received a quite kind email from a man named “Jake” with a series of screenshots from articles I’ve written about white people attached to it. The subject of the email read “Your a Confirmed Black Racist.” I was immediately compelled to thank Jake for gathering so much of my work in…
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The 'Pick-He' (the Male Version of the 'Pick-Me'), Explained
One of what? Yeah, I guess it’s been a while, huh? This is perhaps why I haven’t done as many explainers. Some of this shit just can’t be explained. I’m as stumped as you are. Yes, I am! So, defining a pick-me is simple. It describes a woman, who, through her words and actions, is…
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After Living in 21 Different Homes, I Finally Have My Own House
During the first 18 years of my life, my parents and I lived at seven different addresses. There was (in chronological order) my mom’s mom’s (Nana’s) house. Then an apartment in East Liberty in Pittsburgh. Then a house in Lincoln-Lemington. Then a house in Verona. Then another house in Verona a block away from the…
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I Was Wrong. Cephus, Not Washington, Is America's Blackest Last Name
Two years ago, I wrote a thing asking which was the single blackest last name. After an intense vet involving census results, personal recollections, proximities to yams, and even a consultation from an Adam Clayton Powell hologram, the list was narrowed to four: Washington, Jefferson, Jackson, and Jenkins. Washington was eventually declared the blackest of…
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This Is the America White People Wished For. This Is the America White People Want
Since the 2016 presidential election, I have read and I have heard from people—mostly white but some nonwhite—that it’s unfair to generalize about white people just because Donald Trump is now our president. The rush to defend themselves has been so unceasing that #NotAllWhitePeople has become a popular and synopsizing shorthand for that collection of…
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10 Observations From My First Essence Festival, the ‘Super Bowl for Black Women’
1. At some point during the two-hour layover at O’Hare International Airport on my trip from Pittsburgh to New Orleans last weekend, a supernatural force compelled me to glance up from my laptop and scan the gate around me. There was a shift in the space-time continuum that the universe was attempting to alert me…
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A List of Things That Just Ain’t Worth the Trouble
1. Fireworks 2. Eating Maryland blue crabs 3. Jogging 4. Standing in most lines 5. Long-distance relationships 6. Most white people 7. Regret 8. School reunions 9. Crowds 10. The NFL 11. Rinsing dishes before they’re placed in the sink 12. Defending the misdeeds of famous people 13. Cheap suits 14. October 15. New Year’s…
