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I Just Discovered the Container Store and I Think My Life Has Been Changed Forever
Perhaps this is a Pittsburgh thing, or maybe this is just a me thing, but I have a habit of first discovering and/or learning—either through rap music or a thing said by a standup comic—about things that everyone already knows. For instance, although I knew of the Cheesecake Factory, I didn’t know they sold things…
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I'm Sure Someone Has a Tape of Donald Trump Saying the N-Word. Unfortunately, No One Gives a Shit
There is a 100 percent chance that Donald Trump has, at some point in his life, said “nigger.” Those odds stay at 100 when assessing the chance that he currently thinks of black people as niggers, and then they slightly dip (87 percent? 92?) when wondering whether he 1) currently says it and 2) has…
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If You Ask Why I've Never Been to a Place You Assumed I've Been to Before, the Answer Is Probably 'Because I Was Broke'
I get it. I am a person who is a) black; b) makes a living where I often write about things specifically related to blackness; c) calls himself a “professional black person”; and d) has an upcoming book titled What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker (which, if you weren’t aware, is available for pre-order.)…
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Allegedly 'Smart' White People Keep Getting Dumber and Dumber About Racism
I’m going to keep this short, because variants of this piece have been written so many times that spending more than 600 words on this will make my ears explode. On Twitter earlier today, New York Times features writer Elizabeth Williamson shared a piece from columnist (and colleague) Bret Stephens about Sarah Jeong, whose hiring…
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The 10 Ashiest People In America, Ranked
Conservative politics and perpetually chapped lips are a clear sign of lotion avoidance. Also, I’m looking forward to the day when his brother in conservatism and chap, Paris Dennard, joins him on the list. His first hit single, “How To Rob,” was basically an ashy nigga’s Koran, and he’s been doubling down on ash ever…
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A List of Things I've Never Done That I Ain't Ever Going to Do Because I'm Almost 40 So Why Start Some New Shit Now?
1. Cocaine 2. Learn how to swim 3. Smoke a cigarette 4. Date a white woman: I’m married so this is a moot point anyway. But if I wasn’t, I think 40 is too late to start getting those interracial dating reps in. Plus, I don’t even know what I’d say to a white woman…
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Mural Depicts Dallas Cowboys' Dak Prescott in 'The Sunken Place' for Anti Protest Comments
Although Michael Jordan’s “Republicans buy sneakers too” (a statement he might not have actually said) is oft-cited as a juxtaposition to the very public activism from many contemporary athletes, he was definitely not the only star of the ‘90s finding oxygen and endorsements behind the both sides shield. Where a person like former Chicago Bulls…
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Just Remember That Your Punk-Ass President Would Never, Ever, Ever Call LeBron James Dumb to His Face
We have known, since we’ve known who Donald Trump is, that Donald Trump is a racist. Perhaps his name hasn’t always been associated with racism, but racism has always been attached to the Donald Trump package, like an IKEA refrigerator equipped with a complimentary ice maker. We know, for instance, that he was sued decades…
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The 10 Worst Sentences From Andrew Sullivan's 'When Racism Is Fit to Print,' Ranked From 'STFU Andy' to 'Does He Have a Concussion?'
Andrew Sullivan has been saying dumb things about race and racism on TV and the Internet for as long as I’ve known who Andrew Sullivan is. I’m convinced he’s able to do this because he’s British and has an admittedly nice beard—which makes people assume his words are 30 percent smarter than they actually are.…
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Why It's Dumb (and Vaguely Republican) to Be Mad About Blake Griffin's Child Support Payments, Explained [Updated]
Updated: Friday, August 3, 2018, 6:05 p.m. EDT: According to TMZ Sports, the oft-reported $258,000 a month child support payment is actually $32,000. If you’re still upset about this relatively small figure, you need to take a spa day or something. Blake Griffin is a power forward for the Detroit Pistons who exists in that…
