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A Screenshot of a Boat Shoe
Spoiled milk-filled boat shoe repurposed as a moat for mice with sentience Tucker Carlson is a person who exists in the world and is paid money to say things on TV. He is, also, a racist. Which is less an accusation or an insult and more just an articulation of a relatively mundane observation. He’s…
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A Photo Gallery of Black Republican Men With Nice and Fashionable and Totally Not Corny at All Haircuts
Eh, nevermind. This concludes the gallery.
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Maybe We Should Stop Wishing We Could Do What the Worst White People Do
Although black people wanting to get away with the things that white people seem to be able to do will always leave a bitter taste, I’d get it if the black people who do/did this sort of thing were a tad more ambitious. I’d be inclined to grant their whataboutisms more sympathy if they made…
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A Live Look at ‘America’s Most Livable City’
According to the Economist Intelligence Unit, the organization that produces the annual Global Livability Index, Pittsburgh is America’s second most livable city. (Honolulu is first.) This is a status that Pittsburgh is proud of, bragging about and displaying it the way a parent might share their kid’s report card in a text thread. If I…
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Trashcan Lannister Tweets About Border Wall, Gets Dunked On By 11-Year-Old Little Miss Flint
Yesterday morning, Televangelist Lice emerged from beneath the cellar of a Barbie Glam Getaway Traphouse repurposed as a trundle coconut waterbed to tweet that the billions of dollars President Trump wants to spend on the border wall would be “the BEST $5 billion taxpayers EVER spent!” Naturally, Tapeworm Leatherback’s assertion was immediately refuted, as calling…
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I Have a Son Now, Which Means I Can Finally Start Respecting Men as People
Last week, my wife gave birth to a beautiful, healthy, bouncing baby boy. He is all the things that you hope new babies are. A blessing. Loud. Adorable. Soft. Precious. Gassy. Alert. Moderately bemused. Perpetually hangry. Vaguely human. Somewhat reminiscent of Fred Sanford. He is also life-changing. He’s our second child, but our first boy—my…
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A List of Things the Tenaha, Texas Police Department Can Do With the $70 They 'Seized' In a 'Drug Bust' Last Week
1. Buy five whole orders of the surprisingly filling Vietnamese Shrimp Summer Rolls at The Cheesecake Factory. 2. Catch a Greyhound from Pittsburgh to Hampton, Va., on Friday the 14th—but only if you book the trip in the next two hours and use the code GREY4CHAR. 3. Pay the parking ticket I got last month…
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Y’all’s Triflin’-Ass President Can’t Even Sit Up Straight During a Funeral
Look at this shiftless and triflin’ fuck. Sitting in the front row of a funeral, with the world’s attention on him—hundreds of millions of eyes, perhaps—and he looks like a 6th grader whose parents dragged him to Les Miserables on ice. He’s the leader of the free world (shit), and he couldn’t even bother to…
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Quiz: How Hotep Were You In College?
Although the people who’ve come to be known as hoteps get a bad rap today, I have a measure of sympathy for them because I went through a moderate hotep phase in college — something I know many 35-to-45 year old black people can definitely relate to. Basically, being a hotep is like smoking weed.…
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The Privilege of Being Remembered Like a Dead White Man
Did you know that houses owned by black Americans are undervalued by an average of $48,000 per home? Combined, this makes for 156 billion dollars in losses—a discrepancy called a “segregation tax.” I didn’t know this either, until a recent study by the Brookings Institute articulated exactly how pervasive this brand of bias is, and…
