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  • I've Been a Homeowner for Two Years Now. Here's What I've Learned

    THERE ARE TAXES AND FEES YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF SEWAGE FEES LAWN TAXES NEIGHBORHOOD FEES URINE TAXES EVERYTHING’S EXPENSIVE EVERYTHING BREAKS EVENTUALLY SHIT YOU DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO BREAK WILL BREAK I HAD A BROKEN STOOP STEP LAST YEAR HOW THE FUCK DO YOU BREAK A STOOP STEP WE HAVE SOFT FEET…

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  • Here's Some Books I Love So Much That I Hate the Authors of Them

    Here's Some Books I Love So Much That I Hate the Authors of Them

    Book: Heavy Author: Kiese Laymon. Why I hated that nigga for like three hours: Wrote about that already. Don’t want to re-write it and start hating that nigga again. Book: I’m Telling the Truth, But I’m Lying Author: Bassey Ikpi Why I was like “Man, fuck Bassey” for a day: I thought I was all…

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  • I Know I'm Late and Maybe Exaggerating a Bit but Renée Elise Goldsberry's 'Satisfied' Performance Is the Best Thing That's Ever Happened in the History of the Universe

    I Know I'm Late and Maybe Exaggerating a Bit but Renée Elise Goldsberry's 'Satisfied' Performance Is the Best Thing That's Ever Happened in the History of the Universe

    I was prepared to hate it. While in London last year, I was invited by Ebele Okobi—my host the week I was there—to attend a showing of Hamilton at the Victoria Palace Theatre, and I had my “I’m gonna hate this shit” cup of tea ready to sip. I knew it was Founding Father fan…

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  • A Reminder That Snoop Dogg Is a Sellout

    Snoop Dogg has several iconic and hateful songs that many people know and love, and his upcoming Verzuz battle against DMX will induce nostalgia in those moved by that sort of thing. He is also a sellout who was still chummy enough with Donald Trump in 2011 to appear on a Comedy Central roast of…

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  • Is Chance the Rapper Secretly Just A Human-Sized Sheet Cake? (Probably!)

    Chance the Rapper is a rapper who raps about the sort of things you’d expect a rapper with “Rapper” in their rap name to rap about. If you are not familiar with him or his work, the best way to describe him and it is “aggressively earnest.” Think of a trade school admissions counselor who…

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  • What Would Be an Appropriate Consequence (Or Punishment) for Someone Like Amy Cooper?

    There’s a scene in Gone Baby Gone where Patrick Kenzie (Casey Affleck) is deep in the white hoods of Boston, and he runs into two dopeboys he knows—one Black and one white. After greeting the Black one, he turns to speak to the white one. Patrick Kenzie: How you been, Chris? Chris: Better than you.…

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  • We Just Can't Afford to Stay This Fucking Stupid

    I was reminded—while threading together my thoughts on Stephen Jackson’s defense of DeSean Jackson’s defense of…Adolf Hitler—of an article I read in 2016 or 2017 I think, about Donald Trump. In it, it was revealed that Trump was somewhat surprised that so many Black people despise him, because, up until he ran for president, he’d…

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  • A List of Things Longer Than the Confederacy Was

    1. The (still growing) gap between Anti and whatever Rihanna decides to release when she’s bored hawking drawers to thirsty Deltas. 2. The not-yet-produced comprehensive oral history of Shaun King’s greatest “investment opportunities.” 3. The (approximate) driving distance between Pittsburgh and Philadelphia. 4. The stretch of time between middle and high school when I was…

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  • Yeah, It's Time to Bury the Cutesy 'Karen' Nickname for Dangerous White Women

    If the COVID-19 crisis hadn’t introduced zeitgeist-crashing terms like “coronavirus” and “social distancing” to our lexicon, “Karen” might have very well been the word of 2020. There have been explainers about it—one of which I wrote to distinguish it from “Becky.” There have been arguments over whether it’s racist (LOLOL) and misogynist (well…more on that…

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  • So NASCAR's Official Response to Bubba Wallace Was 'We Just Have Random Nooses Around Sometimes' and That's It???

    LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL HOLY SHIT I KNOW THIS AIN’T FUNNY THIS IS AWFUL THIS IS TERRIBLE THIS IS HATEFUL THIS IS MISSISSIPPI BURNING THIS IS A NOOSE ON THE LOOSE BUT HOW DEEPLY HOW THOROUGHLY HOW HILARIOUSLY RACIST MUST YOUR ORGANIZATION BE FOR “THAT WASN’T A NOOSE OF HATE. THAT WAS JUST OUR TUESDAY NOOSE. HIS NAME…

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Damon Young is a founder of VSB, and the author of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins), which won the 2020 Thurber Prize for American Humor


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