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Trump’s Bizarre Coronavirus Speech Included a Hot Mic F-bomb and a Request for ‘White Stuff’
In a televised speech from the Oval Office on Wednesday, President Trump continued his “I don’t give a shit about you people” tour, delivering a lackluster speech that included a travel ban for noncitizens coming from Europe, but didn’t include the U.K, because well, three Trump golf courses are located there. And, if all of…
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Bernie Sanders Holds Press Conference to Announce…He’s Still in the Race
Independent Sen. Bernie Sanders sure knows how to milk a moment, doesn’t he? After a Deontay Wilder-like showing on Tuesday, Sanders called a press conference Wednesday to announce that he doesn’t care if he’s a bazillion delegates behind, he’s going to stay in the fight for the Democratic presidential nomination. He then went on a…
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Coronavirus be Damned, Trump Will Hold Rally Because He Can’t Stop Rallying
There has been one thing consistent in Trump’s life from the time he announced that he was running for president until now: rallying. Trump might hold the record as the most rallying president in the history of America. He’s addicted to rallying. In fact, he can’t stop rallying even when his life may depend on…
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Democratic Primaries: Joe Biden Beats Bernie Sanders Like He Stole His Tax Refund
At this point, it might be time for independent Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders to start thanking his supporters and urging them not to be petty Bettys and make sure that they support the eventual Democratic presidential nominee, former Vice President and lifeguard Joe Robinette Biden. Like all-black low-top Nike Air Force 1s, Biden proved to…
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Matt Gaetz Wore a Gas Mask on House Floor and Now He’s Self-Quarantined After Being Exposed to Coronavirus
Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz is an asshole. That’s it. That’s the story. Seriously, Gaetz is a such an asshole that other assholes who aren’t as good as he is at being an asshole consider him #assholegoals. Rep. Matt Gaetz is such an asshole that he wore a gas mask on the House floor and people…
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Michael Bloomberg Is Trying to Buy His Way Into Heaven, Donates $2 Million to Nonprofit to Register Black Voters
Looks like evil billionaire and former 2020 Democratic presidential hopeful Michael Bloomberg is giving $2 million of his own money to a nonprofit that works to register black voters in time for November’s general election. According to the Palm Beach Post, Bloomberg gave Collective Future, “which is the nonprofit arm of the Collective, a political…
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Trump Administration Won’t Release Intelligence Report That Warns the U.S. Isn’t Ready for Global Pandemic: Report
Without explanation or warning, the Trump administration reportedly postponed an annual intelligence report that explained that the U.S. isn’t even remotely ready to handle a global pandemic. It was all supposed to go down Feb. 12. That was when the “The office of the Director of National Intelligence (DNI) was scheduled to deliver the Worldwide…
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Trump Didn’t Know People Died From the Flu. So Who Is Going to Tell Him How His Grandfather Died?
On Friday, while touring the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s headquarters in Atlanta—and this was only after his punk ass backed out of the trip when it was reported that a worker in the center may have tested positive for the virus—Donald Trump noted that he was shocked to hear that people died from…
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Sen. Cory Booker Endorses Joe Biden for President
Sen. Cory Booker, a former Democratic presidential candidate, has made it Facebook official and formally endorsed Joe Biden on Monday. Booker believes that Biden will defeat President Trump and maybe throw him a cabinet position. Sike—we don’t know if Booker wants a cabinet position, but Booker did push a message of unity during his campaign…
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White House Fears Trump’s Handshake at CPAC Could’ve Exposed Him to the Coronavirus
Trump started the morning the way he normally does: he kicked a baby kitten in the face, drank a half goblet of baby goat milk which he promptly spat into the toilet that his interns call Sen. Lindsey Graham, and demanded that he be given a noggin of eel blood. It wasn’t until the president…
