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The President Is a Pandemic-Sized Asshole and When He’s Called on It, He Attacks the Media
In the president’s world, everything—the global pandemic, deaths, fear, the lack of toilet paper—all of it is solely about his election and the attempts by the “LameStream media” to keep him from being elected. So the president has decided that he’s going to show everyone—scientists, the media, people who didn’t vote for him and even…
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WTF Is Joe Biden Talking About?: Former Vice President Goes on The View, Claims Coronavirus Cure Will Make the Problem Worse
If I told you that there was a man, a white man, an older white man running for president that lied and said all kinds of random shit and physically wanted to fight people and used phrases like “lily livered” and “fisticuffs” and “malarkey,” you would tell me that surely that man was already in…
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Utah Sen. Mitt Romney Tested Negative for Coronavirus, So Naturally the President Trolled Him on Twitter
It isn’t like the world is facing a global pandemic so devastating that Spain is currently using an ice skating rink to house dead bodies, so naturally, the president of the United States took time out of his busy day of applying “Pumpkin vomit,” as blush from Taylor Swift’s makeup line “Meh-o-naise,” to tweet his…
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Congress Reaches $2 Trillion Stimulus Package Deal. Here’s Everything You Really Need to Know About It
From this point on, the rest of our lives will be defined around coronavirus. Expect all of your father’s stories to have the phrase, “But that was way back before coronavirus fucked everything up.” To that end, Congress—the group of old white people who don’t really care about the people who voted them into office—stayed…
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Trump Itchy to Reopen America Because His Businesses Are Suffering
Since taking office, Trump has judged his success as president on the stock market. Before the coronavirus, Trump often pointed to Obama’s accomplishments in improving the economy as his own. He took credit for it all. Then coronavirus hit and the stock market got sick and all of the numbers Trump loves to point to…
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Trump Said This Drug Showed Promise Against Coronavirus. Now a Man Is Dead and His Wife Is Hospitalized
An Arizona couple made the costly mistake of listening to the president. During a recent press briefing, President Trump touted the potential benefits of a drug called hydroxychloroquine, despite no drug being approved to prevent or treat coronavirus. The couple remembered the name since it sounded similar to chloroquine phosphate, a drug they used to…
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Trump Offers Flippant ‘Gee, That’s Too Bad’ After Learning Sen. Mitt Romney May Have Been Exposed to Coronavirus
Clearly, it is impossible for President Trump not to be a petty bitch. Is he Joe Exotic’s level of petty? Not yet, but give him time. After learning Sunday that Sen. Mitt Romney (R-Utah) is being isolated after being exposed to the coronavirus, Trump smirked and said, “Gee, that’s too bad,” when he heard the…
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It’s Time for Dr. Fauci to Tackle the President, Steal the Mic and Keep Telling America the Truth
During these pandemic times and on these pandemic streets, Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, the longtime director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), is the lone adult in the room. He’s literally the only one in Trump’s administration who knows what the fuck he’s talking about. The problem is the president—the man…
