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Destiny’s Child Breakup and Other Events Trump Believes Ended Because of the 1918 Spanish Flu
In Trump’s world, facts don’t matter, common sense is a liability and all of his staffers are required to act as if human skin can just naturally turn the color of a carrot without assistance. On Monday, the president of people who let their pets sleep in their beds claimed that the Spanish flu of…
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100 Black Entertainers and Celebrities Send Letter to Biden Urging Him to Pick Black Woman as VP. Biden Is Going to Mess This Up
This wasn’t supposed to be remotely hard; in fact, the groundwork had already been laid down. It works like this: Black women are the backbone of the Democratic party and they needed to be rewarded with a vice-presidential pick in this upcoming election. And the presumptive Democratic nominee for president still hasn’t made his pick,…
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Trump and Anthony Scaramucci Get Into Twitter Spat After the Former White House Employee Says He’s Voting for Biden
There is a trend with ex-employees of the Trump administration and it looks like this: Bash the president that they once happily served—which is why it will always be fuck all of them. Fuck Omarosa. (Where is she, anyway?) Fuck John Kelly, James Mattis, John Bolton, H.R. McMaster, and most spectacularly, Anthony Scaramucci, whose time…
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Trumpkashi 45 Has to Be Trolling Us With This Mount Rushmore Bullshit
A good troll has to work hard to sell it or else it doesn’t work. And Trump has been trolling for years. In fact, he’s been trolling since Obama was in office, but I’ve mentioned this to several friends at different times: I don’t really know where Trump stands on any issue because he’s, well,…
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Trump Thinks Biden Is Going to Punch the Bible and Drop Kick God if Elected President
President Trump believes that if Joe Biden is elected president, his first days in office would include Biden placing the Bible on the floor of the White House bedroom and the 77-year-old diving off the bed to deliver a big elbow to the helpless Bible. The president of people who’ve thrown out all their watches…
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Stop Shoving a Mic in Kanye’s Face When He Really Needs a Hand
Kanye West suffers from bipolar disorder. Everyone knows this because the rapper has been open about his struggles with the illness. Before learning of his struggles, America has always found Kanye’s brash, egomaniacal personality entertaining. It made for good sound clips. In fact, before learning of his diagnosis, I used to yell “It ain’t Ralph,…
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Reporter to Biden: ‘Have You Taken a Cognitive Test?’ Biden to Reporter: ‘Are You a Junkie?’
In the perpetual and cumulative colostomy bag that is 2020, the “I can’t make this shit up” cornucopia of crazy just runneth over. We basically have a presidential race between an overtly racist egg dyed with way too much orange food coloring, and a subtle racist-y egg. Both eggs are about as sharp as a…
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Trump on NBA Players Kneeling During National Anthem: ‘I Think It’s Disgraceful’
Trump doesn’t watch the NBA. In fact, when asked what the NBA stands for, Trump said, “Apparently not the anthem” and then punched Jared Kushner in the round balls. But seriously folks, Trump, who is the president of people with a nice set shot, has a whole lot of thoughts on basketball players kneeling during…
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New Slaves: Kanye West Is Being Used by Republicans to Help Ruin the Presidential Election
I’m going to need God, Jay-Z, his friend Ty Ty, John Legend, all of the Kardashians, including the recluse boy one, Adidas and Dave Chappelle to put an end to this “Kanye West for President” campaign. No matter how or why this sham of a presidential bid started, no matter what good he honestly believed…
