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Donald Trump Jr. Speaks Rapidly Before Debate; Twitter Wants to Know If He’s on Coke
Tuesday was a big day for the Trump family—and no, the family wasn’t going to meet Melania’s boyfriend. “Big Donald,” as they call him at the Hair Cuttery, was heading into his first presidential debate against Joe Biden and Donald Trump Jr. couldn’t contain his excitement. Either that or “Not Ivanka”—as they call him around…
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5 Things We Learned From the Worst Verzuz Battle in American History
If the Rockettes dressed in poop emoji costumes kicked oversized, stuffed poop emojis into a crowd of NASCAR fans while trying to put out a dumpster fire inside a locker room toilet, it still would’ve been less of a shitshow than what happened Tuesday night. Former Vice President Joe Biden and the President of the…
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Adderall Versus Nothing at All (Maybe): 5 Things to Watch for in Tuesday’s Presidential Debate
Two old white men fighting in a Walmart parking lot is what we can expect at Tuesday night’s presidential debate and I can’t tell you how hype I am for this fucking debate! Live footage of Trump and Biden pre-debate: First, if you are an undecided voter, I want you to walk out of your…
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How Trump’s 2016 Campaign Used Facebook to Target and Deter 3.5 Million Black Voters: Report
Trump’s 2016 campaign used every trick possible to steal the election. When he wasn’t using Russian interference in the actual election, his campaign targeted some 3.5 million Black voters and tried to suppress their vote. According to British news outlet Channel 4, Trump’s campaign compiled data of some 200 million voters and then divided them…
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Former Trump Campaign Manager Hospitalized After Police Find Him Armed and Threatening Self-Harm and Somehow Manage Not to Shoot Him
Being white looks like having a moment, a desperate moment, in which everything inside your brain turns to TV static and you begin to threaten self-harm and you have a weapon and police are called and in the end, you are taken to a hospital for help. You are not shot. You are not killed.…
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President Trump Is Putin’s Drug Holder and Other Things We Learned From Trump’s Taxes
Whenever a rapper or an NBA player travels, they need a person who is willing to carry the drugs. That person is usually a friend who has nothing more going on in life than being the one who is willing to take the charge so that the “money” doesn’t get arrested. It’s a job; and…
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The Trump Administration Gave a Journalist an Award Then Took it Back After Realizing She Criticized Trump and Then They Lied About All of it
The Trump administration is skullduggerish AF. Last year, they honored a journalist from Finland and then took that shit back after learning that she’d posted some harsh words about the great white leader of whiteness on social media. Then, they lied about taking the honor back. According to the Washington Post, apparently journalistic honors are…
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Lindsey Graham Finally Understands Righteous America’s True Feelings About Him: ‘They Hate My Guts’
For years, all of us, the collective us that hate everything that Trump’s spray-tanned fingers have touched, have been telling everyone that would listen that Lindsey Graham was the trashiest trash can that ever trashed. Oscar the Grouch literally lives in a trashcan and even he told the Trash Times, (the paper of record for…
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Trump to Ballots: I’m Going to Punch You in the Nuts!
I’m not sure what ballots have done to President Trump but he hates them. Maybe it’s because he knows that ballots can’t be tampered with. Maybe he knows that a physical ballot is a receipt of a vote cast, most likely against his ass. So, the president of people who really wanted to make ass…
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Florida Just Doesn’t Want Former Prisoners to Vote
First, Florida voters did something so un-Florida-like that everyone outside of Florida was like, “Bitch, do y’all see Florida?” That’s because in 2018, Florida voters voted to give felons back the right to vote, which, now that I think about it, might be completely Florida-like considering Florida is made up of two things: old people…
