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Biden Takes Leads in Georgia and Pennsylvania, Coming Within a Tick’s Toenail of Becoming Next President
Can you hear that noise? It is the faint cries of South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham (R) getting punched in the stomach by an enraged Trump, who realizes that his political life is coming to an end as Biden takes leads in Pennsylvania and Georgia, moving within a gnat’s pubic hair of becoming the next…
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If Biden Wins the White House, He May Still Have to Deal With Mitch McConnell, With His Mitch-Ass
After the Senate shoved judge, now justice, Amy Coney Barrett down America’s throat with that sham-ass Supreme Court confirmation hearing during an election, I wanted a Joe Biden presidency that would come in burning shit down. I wanted a president who would come in dictating shit from the job. I basically wanted Biden to come…
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Day 3 of the Perpetual Queasiness That Is the Presidential Election
It’s Thursday. The presidential election was Tuesday. Here is what we know: Nothing and everything. We know that there are enough scenarios that exist in which both current President Shaymus Von Spittle and former Vice President Joseph Robinette Biden could be president. We also know that America is still fucked because Democrats couldn’t take over…
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‘I’m Deeply Concerned’ About Maine Since Sen. Susan Collins Was Reelected
The tricycle of Senate evil consists of three wheels: Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), Trump’s whipping boy Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) and Susan Collins (R-Maine). Both Kentucky and South Carolina rejected positive, nonracist change to vote both McConnell and Graham back into office. Both states also voted for Trump. But what’s confusing about Maine, and what…
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As Expected, Trump Continues His Delusional Fight Against Mail-In Ballots
President Donald Trump tries to act like he doesn’t listen to mainstream media but he does and he heard the same news that we did; that mail-in ballots were likely to favor Biden because Democrats aren’t about that “standing in line during a fucking pandemic” life. So of course, before the election, Trump and his…
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Trump Goes on Fox & Friends to Complain About the Good Ole Days When Fox News Was Really Biased
It’s Election Day! So that means President Trump is up early on the phones with Russian operatives making sure that all of the systems are in place to steal another election. I kid, or do I? But seriously, you know someone is worried when they make an appearance on Fox & Friends to complain about…
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Trump Suggests He’ll Fire Dr. Fauci After the Election
From the very beginning of the coronavirus pandemic, Dr. Anthony Fauci and President Trump have butted heads. One of the two men is the nation’s top infectious disease doctor who’s served in several administrations, and the other is an idiot who paints his face with orange clown makeup but is emboldened by his whiteness because…
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If Trump Has Any Lead on Election Night, He’s Going to Prematurely Declare Victory: Report
The way elections normally work is that both candidates running for office usually wait until there is no clear path to victory for their opponent before they declare themselves the winner. Remember I said “normally.” According to an Axios exclusive, Trump has told those close to him that he plans to prematurely declare victory on…
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Is Bunker Bitch Barricading Himself in the White House?
Looks like the president is building that wall after all. On Monday, federal authorities are putting a non-scalable fence around the entire perimeter of the White House as they prepare for possible protests after the results of the presidential election. It all sounds like bullshit to me considering the results will reflect that President Trump…
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Stimuluses for Err'body: What Democrats Need to Do Should They Take Over Congress
There are unwritten rules in just about everything in life. In baseball, if a pitcher hits your guy with the ball, then once your team’s pitcher is up to the mound, it’s a must that you bean their opposing team’s batter. Doesn’t even matter if he had anything to do with it. He’s on his…
