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GTFOH Trump Watch: So Y’all Just Going to Steal the Election Right in Front of Us?
President Trump lost the election. Full stop. Since losing the election, which he lost, the president has baselessly claimed massive voter fraud and then failed to provide any evidence. His lawyers have filed lawsuits that have been thrown out almost as soon as they arrive in the courts. Now, the president is just openly courting…
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Either Rudy Giuliani Uses Bigen, or His Human Skin Glue Is Melting. Either Way, I've Got Questions
Trump’s personal lawyer is having a rough go at it. Not only is he grossly incompetent at living, breathing and doing his job, but now it seems that either his hair dye or his human skin mask given to all Gremlins who want to live a normal life is failing him. During a press conference…
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Congress Doesn’t Give AF About America
Here is where we are: America is drowning in a sea of despair and Congress is holding all the life jackets. Instead of reaching a stimulus compromise that would help some stay afloat, they are going on Thanksgiving vacation while, in Texas, many are forced to join miles long food lines just to have something…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: Hey, Wisconsin, I’ve Got $3 Million. Can We Put the Vote Count on Layaway?
After being informed that Wisconsin didn’t have time for Trump and his mall lawyers’ fuckshit and that if he wanted the state to hold a recount it would cost a cool $8 million, Trump’s campaign has come up with a partial payment in hopes of a partial recount. According to Forbes, Trump’s campaign squirreled together…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: Rudy Giuliani Is the Real Saul Goodman
The parallels are uncanny. Both men work for corrupt folks. Both wear really bad suits. Saul Goodman lived in the back of a nail salon and Rudy Giuliani held a presidential press conference outside of a landscaping business that was next to a sex shop. Both say crazy things; the only difference is Saul Goodman…
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Wisconsin to Trump: You Want a Recount, Cool. Pay Us $8 Million and We Will Hop Right on It
Wisconsin doesn’t have time for Trump, his goofy prepaid mall-kiosk lawyers or his bullshit claims of voter fraud and has put the president on notice: You can have a recount in Wisconsin (a state he narrowly lost), but you’re going to pay for it, and we need $8 million upfront because we’ve heard about how…
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Senator Lindsey Graham Can’t Stop Being Messy, and This Time, He Might’ve Gotten in Over His Head
If reports are true, Trump’s favorite stepping stool may be in big trouble. Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger claimed that South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham hinted that he throw away ballots in Georgia, where officials are currently recounting presidential election ballots by hand in the state that went for President-elect Joe Biden, a first…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: Wait, We Almost Bombed Iran?
Middle America’s bum-ass president reportedly asked about a military strike against Iran just last week, but held off after his advisers were like, “Slim, you tripping like shit.” Now, all of the sudden, Trump cares about possible nuclear weapons being made in Tehran, which is convenient considering he’s on his way out of office. He…
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Forever President Barack Obama on Lame-Duck Trump: He’s Denying Reality
Former President Obama is the ex who left you and has a condo in the hip part of town. He’s vegan now and exfoliating (he never cared about his skin when y’all were together) and drinking water and doing yoga. Yoga! He used to laugh at you for watching yoga on YouTube and he even…
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GTFOH Trump Watch: With Coronavirus Cases on the Rise, Trump Goes Golfing
So I guess the next 65 days of this presidency are going to look a lot like the final days of high school right before the summer. You know that time where you figure the damage has been done, the grades are already in and teachers have become more glorified babysitters than educators. That’s what…
