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If You Wanted to Know How Trump Would Treat America, Just Look at How He Treated His Chauffeur for Over 25 Years
For 25 years, Noel Cintron had one of the worst jobs in America. For 25 years, Cintron drove a large orange tub of sherbet extract around New York City. For 25 years, he had to listen to sherbet excrement’s bloated tales of wild extravagance and the deafening sounds of sherbet devouring KFC. Cintron was Donald…
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Ivanka Trump’s Clothing Line Avoids China Trade Tariffs
Donald Trump is full of shit. He has been his whole career. Whether it’s been lying about his wealth or the one time he acted like his own publicist to sell stories of excessive galavanting with buxom blondes, Trump has made a lifetime out of being full of it. But, arguably his best caca-esque move…
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Trump to Announce Supreme Court Nominee in Prime Time Because He’s a Drama Queen
President Shoo-Shoo Von ApprenticeFace only knows how to win the ratings. He’s yet to realize that running the country isn’t a popularity contest and as such, Donald Trump is building anticipation for his Supreme Court nominee announcement as if he’s LeBron famously saying “I’m going to take my talent to South Beach.” And we all…
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‘Where Are the Babies, Mitch?’ Protesters Confront Mitch ‘Turtle Head’ McConnell Outside Restaurant
Unlike Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) was able to enjoy his meal of Hungarian goulash and sautéed bat wings before Louisville, Ky., protesters began barking, “Where are the babies, Mitch”?! According to CNN, McConnell had just downed soup made of calf innards when he was walking through the parking lot. (Fine,…
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Trump to NFL: Congratulations, You Played Yourself
The NFL went out of its way to try and appease President Oppression Von Anusmouth’s demands to stop black players from kneeling during the national anthem to protest the overpolicing of black communities. The NFL’s concession and new national anthem policy was to have players stay in the locker room while “The Star-Spangled Banner” plays—but…
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Looks Like Utah Jazz Guard Grayson Allen Will Continue His White-Privileged, Thuggish Ways in the NBA
Former Duke University guard Grayson Allen is all of the adjectives used to describe white basketball players who are relentless gritty, hard-nosed and scrappy. He’s been called a “real student of the game,” but Grayson Allen is also a term usually used to describe black men: thug. For years, Allen has been one of college…
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Trump’s Mar-a-Lago Wants to Make America Great Again by Hiring 61 Foreign Workers: Report
Trump is a magician whose only magic trick is convincing a group of backwater racists that he shares the same values as they do. Trump has mastered the art of tapping into their racist beliefs, thereby convincing them that he’s one of them, when in fact, he’s never been one of them. He grew up…
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Unhinged Trump Holds Rally in Montana, Attacks #MeToo Movement in Rant About Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s Heritage
Donald Trump loves to rally. He may actually love rallying more than he loves KFC original recipe, being smacked on the ass with a rolled up Forbes magazine and watching migrant children being ripped from their families. Despite the fact that he’s already won the White House (with the help of Russian oligarchs), the president…
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Trump Picks Disgraced Former Fox News Executive Bill Shine to Fill White House Communications Position
Sarah Huckabee Sanders, aka Aunt Lydia, isn’t going anywhere but her team of notorious apologists for Trump’s White House just got stronger by adding former co-president of Fox News Channel and Fox Business Network Bill Shine. According to CNBC, Shine is set to takeover the old position once held by Trump’s fake daughter, Hope Hicks, as…
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Oakland Raiders Cornerback Gareon Conley Sues Woman Who Accused Him of Rape, Causing His Draft Stock to Fall
In 2017, with the NFL draft only weeks aways, Gareon Conley was projected to be one of the top cornerbacks. Then he was accused of raping a woman and his draft stock plummeted. The investigation into the woman’s accusation was ongoing during the draft and Conley, who was expected to be a high draft pick,…
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