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Texas School Superintendent: You Can't Count on Black Quarterbacks, but I Don't Mean That in a Racist Way
An East Texas school superintendent knows about the history and genetic makeup of black NFL quarterbacks but doesn’t know how to use Facebook. Lynn Redden is superintendent of the Onalaska Independent School District in the Piney Woods, about 75 miles north of Houston. Lynn Redden is also a fucking idiot. Redden decided that he had…
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Our Trash President Visits North Carolina, Cracks Jokes With Hurricane Victims
President Trump continues his fall into the bottomless pit that is his presidency. On Monday, the old man that loves porn stars and chicken (I never thought I could hate any man who loves porn stars and chicken, president or not) visited Hurricane Florence victims on Wednesday. After learning that a yacht washed up in…
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Trump Continues His Junior-High Break-Up With Jeff Sessions
Like most couples, Attorney General Jeff Sessions changed once he and President Donald Trump got together. Sessions used to sit at the same lunch table with Trump and talk about who was more racist, but ever since they made it official, Sessions turned his back on the relationship, started going out more and wearing less.…
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Senator Marco Rubio Is Salty at Salt Bae
The president of the United States is a liar who claims to be a billionaire and rode that cache all the way to a reality show in which washed-up, Z-list celebrities compete for a chance not to be on the end of his catchphrase. Because this is the world that we live in, earlier this…
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Trump Feels Bad for Brett Kavanaugh; Won't Say Christine Blasey Ford's Name
There’s one thing I can say about the xenophobic, racist, sexist Trump train: It’s never late. Speaking for the first time since Christine Blasey Ford’s claim that Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her when they were both in high school, President Trump expressed his sympathy and regret and condolences… For Kavanaugh. “I feel…
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Betsy DeVos Tells Students Not to be Mean on Twitter. Student Responds: What About Your Boss?
Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, also known as Sarah Palin’s play cousin, continues her “I just want to be loved tour” in which she attends events and tries to prove that she actually became the Education Secretary on merit and not because she’s the wife to a very wealthy man. The cabinet position has always been…
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Stormy Daniels' New Book Makes It Hard to Look at the President or Mario Kart Without Gagging
While The Root will not be paid for this advertisement, as a service to our readers, we would like to suggest this keyboard cleaner perfect for cleaning the cookies you are about to toss onto your computer after reading this article. Porn actress Stormy Daniels has a new book. Her new book is about growing up…
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Texas Senator Ted Cruz Thinks Beto O'Rourke Shouldn't Blame Dallas Officer For Shooting Botham Jean in His Home
Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, the grown-up Eddie Munster, thinks that challenger Rep. Beto O’Rourke was wrong to rush to judgment when he criticized the shooting of Botham Jean, the 26-year-old black man who was shot dead in his own home by a Dallas police officer. “It’s possible what happened was a horrifying and horrific misunderstanding,…
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Vontae Davis, the Buffalo Bills Cornerback Who Retired at Halftime, Is All of Us
When I was little I never understood why my mom took baths. We had a shower but she always preferred to spend an extra hour drawing a bath and bathing. My two sisters and I always wondered why she would always lock herself in the bathroom. I recently had a son. I take baths now.…
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A Week 2 Roundup of NFL Players Who Protested Police Brutality During The National Anthem
Recently Botham Jean, a 26-year-old black man, was in his Dallas apartment doing whatever the fuck he wanted to do because he was in his own apartment, when a white female police officer came to his door and killed him. This is exactly why the NFL players are protesting. So, tell me again why the…

