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President Trump Pardoned a Murderer
Michael Behenna, a first lieutenant in the U.S. Army, was deployed to Iraq in 2007. A year later, two soldiers, both friends of Behenna, were killed in a roadside explosion. Behenna witnessed the attack. U.S. intelligence officers believed that then-Iraqi operative Ali Mansur may have known something about the explosion. He was brought in for…
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Trump Bosses Up, Asserts Executive Privilege Over Mueller Documents and Shuts Down Talks With Congress
Death Row Records President Donald Trump has shut down all inquires into special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigative documents by asserting executive privilege, the latest blow in a tussle between Congress and the White House to see how far Trump has gone down the Russia rabbit hole. “The president has asserted executive privilege over the entirety…
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New York Times' Report on Trump's Taxes Confirms He Is the Worst Businessman in the World, and Don Lemon's Got Jokes
In what may be the undoing of Donald Trump’s facade as the biggest, wealthiest businessman to every lace up his hard bottoms, a new report shows that Trump is exactly who we thought he was: an idiot who inherited his father’s fortune and pissed it away making bad business deals. In a scathing report by…
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White House to Former Counsel Don McGahn: Ignore Those Congressional Subpoenas, We Got You
The White House is continuing its efforts to defy Congress as new reports note that the Trump administration has directed former White House counsel Donald McGahn not to comply with a Congressional subpoena related to Robert Mueller’s investigation. Despite McGahn now being a private citizen, the White House is arguing that asking for documents related…
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Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin Is Willing to Eat Trump's Tax Returns to Keep Democrats From Seeing Them
On Monday, the Trump administration rejected House Democrats request to turn over the president’s tax returns, which is funny considering that Satan’s favorite orange pair of slippers has stated several times that he couldn’t turn over his taxes because he was being audited. Well, it turns out that being audited doesn’t prevent the president from…
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Mitch McConnell Leads the Pack in Race to Climb the Farthest Up Trump's Ass
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is leading the three-man race to become Trump’s favorite set of anal beads. So far, after two years in office, the race to be Trump’s whipping boy has been a three-way tie between California Rep. Devin Nunes, South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham, and McConnell. All three men have gone…
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San Francisco 49ers Cornerback Richard Sherman Is Ready to Embrace Trump's Favorite Rookie as Long as He Can Play
San Francisco 49ers cornerback Richard Sherman is ready to overlook new teammate and resident asshole Nick Bosa, a Trump loving, anti-Colin Kaepernick’s protest against the killing of unarmed black men, women and children. “One thing about football is that nobody really cares what you say if you can play,” Sherman told the Sacramento Bee on…
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New NRA President Claims Black Privilege Is the Reason Rep. Lucy McBath Won Her 2018 Election
Rep. Lucy McBath (D-Ga.) is the mother of Jordan Davis. In 2012, Davis was mercilessly gunned down after a crazed white man shot into a car full of teens who were playing loud music outside of a gas station and later used the National Rifle Association-authored “stand your ground” defense. The death of her 17-year-old…
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Boston Red Sox Manager Alex Cora to Skip White House Visit While His Native Puerto Rico Is Still Struggling
Boston Red Sox manager Alex Cora is cool on the complimentary White House visit that comes with winning the 2018 World Series as long as his homeland Puerto Rico is still struggling to get back to normal after Hurricane Maria. “The government has done some things back home that are great, but we still have…
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Michael Cohen, Trump's Former Fixer, Starts Prison Sentence at Reality D-List Overnight Camp That Houses 'The Situation'
Michael Cohen is proof that life comes at you fast. In one breath, the slime-ball attorney was claiming that he’d take a bullet for the president of the United States, his friend and former client. In another, he spilled the beans, the Lipton, the espresso and the Takis to try and save himself from going…
