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Nancy Pelosi Holds Closed Door Meeting With House Democrats to Quell Growing Revolt Calling for Impeachment
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is facing a growing swell from a group of valiant Democrats inside her own caucus who want their team to stop sitting on its hands and begin pushing for an impeachment inquiry of President Donald Trump. According to ABC News, the revolt from the small faction of Democrats has grown so…
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Housing Secretary Ben Carson Was Asked About ‘REOs’. He Noted That He Doesn’t Really Mess With Oreos Like That
Me and my friends have this game where we argue about which famous people should’ve died but who lived long enough just to fuck up their legacy. It’s a brutal game in which we basically argue that big-boned Luther Vandross should’ve died right around the time that a chair was still a chair—not because he…
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Beto O'Rourke Ain't Afraid of a Fox News Town Hall. Now He Just Needs the Network to Invite Him to Do One
Fox News: Beto O’Rourke: I’m not afraid to go on Fox News! Beto O’Rourke said Monday that, unlike his Democratic rivals who have sworn off doing anything with Fox News because of the news network’s racist and xenophobic background, he’d “absolutely” do a Fox News town hall. “Absolutely,” O’Rourke said about going onto Trump’s private…
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Lock Her Up! Betsy DeVos Used Her Personal Email for Government Business
Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, aka America’s most sinister church bake-goods saleswoman, used her email occasionally for government business and hasn’t saved the messages, according to an internal investigation released Monday. The Associated Press reports: The agency’s Office of Inspector General, which was investigating at the request of House Democrats, said it searched the department’s email…
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New Robe, Who Dis? Trump’s Tax Appeal Is Going to a Court Headed By … Wait for It … Merrick Garland
Remember Merrick Garland? He was just a regular judge who was about to gain judicial superpowers and lifetime job security when then-President Obama nominated him to the Supreme Court in 2016 after Antonin Scalia died. But Senate Republicans, led by Senate Majority Leader Mitch “Turtle Neck” McConnell (R-Ky.), stalled the nomination. Well, maybe it’s because God…
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The Mad King’s Minions Tell Former White House Lawyer Don McGahn Not to Testify Before House Committee
The White House has reportedly directed former White House counsel Don McGahn not to testify before the House Judiciary Committee on Tuesday, arguing that as a former senior adviser to the president he is not legally required to appear before the committee to testify about his official duties as counsel to the president. “The Department…
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Trump's Big Mad at Fox News for Giving Airtime to Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Other 2020 Democrats
President Trump is in bed with Fox News, so he’s jealous and showing it because Fox News keeps pretending they’re straight. They keep acting like they’re a real news network that cares about everyone. They keep acting like they’re trying to tell both sides of the story. On Sunday, the president of white cis men…
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Deutsche Bank Employees Notice Suspicious Transactions From Trump and Kushner Accounts; President Tweets It's All Fake News
It appears that White House aides may be playing the president short. On Monday morning, during the president’s allotted Speak ‘N Spell time in which the president was given strict instructions to only work on his rhyming words, it appears that the president found a way to hook the Texas Instrument up to Wi-Fi, because…
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Magic Johnson Claims 'Betrayal' and 'Backstabbing' as Reasons He Abruptly Left the Los Angeles Lakers
The Los Angeles Lakers front office and, subsequently the team, are a hot flaming bag of old Kobe rap lyrics. The Lakers brass must’ve forgotten that Magic Johnson is not only a NBA Hall of Fame point guard, he owns half of black America and has a son that stunts in stilettos. Meaning, Magic Johnson…
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Chicago Win: Lori Lightfoot to be Sworn in as Mayor; Rahm Emanuel Jumps in Cop's Pocket and Disappears
Lori Lightfoot is set to become the first openly gay, African-American woman to serve as Chicago’s 56th mayor when she is sworn in on Monday, and Wintrust Arena will be filled to capacity—with all 8,000 seats accounted for—as Chicagoans are excited for Lightfoot’s term to begin. For Chicagoans, Lightfoot represents hope and what many believe…
