We Don't Get It. But Somehow These Dudes Stay Gettin' It. #D1CKTOOBOMB ALLSTARS?

Lil' Scrappy (Taylor Hill/Getty Images)
Lil' Scrappy (Taylor Hill/Getty Images)

It's no secret that I'm a ratchetvision savant on these streets. No matter where I go, I watch the same shoooooows. Well this past Monday was Part 1 of the Reunion show for Love & Hip-Hop: Atlanta. Again, you need not know who these people are or watch the show or acknowledge it's existence for any of the following words coming out of my fingers to make sense. Plus, I already told you the story of Steebie and Benzino, former friends who might actually hate one another at this point (can't wait for Part 2 when the Puerto Rican Princess, Joseline, and Steebie go full coke-Hulk on niggas on stage creating a brawl of epic proportions. Also, I realized I just shamed my parents with that last sentence).


In Part 1, we begin with Darryl Richardson II aka Lil Scrappy of "Head Bussa" and "No Problems" fame. Like George Washington, I cannot tell a lie; Scrappy made music that had the ATLien inside my soul beaming with pride. Well on stage with Scrappy were three women that I'm fairly certain every man would sleep with…at least until they started talking. And they were fighting over him. There's "The Bambi" a video vixen-esque woman who is his current boo-du jour…depending on the jour. Then there's Erica Pinkett, a woman whose 0 to 100 nigga real quick switch might be the fastest we've ever seen on reality television. There's no buildup. No windup. She goes from chill to there in a nanosecond. Lastly is Scrap's baby mama, Erica Dixon, who is attractive and seems to have her head on her shoulders somewhat, but is still dabbling with Scrap. All three were on stage arguing over this man's affections. Which leads to the only possible conclusion…

…Scrappy's #dicktoobomb? What other possible answer can there be here. Scrap hasn't had a hit in eons. He's not Puffy, Jay or some other super rich entity that women would affix themselves to because of his wealth. He's not a superstar. If it wasn't for LHH:ATL nobody outside of I-285 would remember he existed. He doesn't even seem that bright and definitely uses common sense at his own discretion. His mother refers to herself as a Queen, seriously, and tells him to keep his bitches in check publicly. Scrap is the reason I say "hiznayee" when I'm going home. He entertains me, but he is'nt rico suave, smooth, or debonair. But again, three bad ass chicks were on stage competing. Hardbody.

And Scrap isn't the only fellow that makes no sense on paper as to why these women are all out here going ham, all super YOLO for these cats. There are tons more. I've decided to list a few other chaps here who defy explanation in terms of why they manage to pull bad women left and right despite everything we seem to know about how they are perceived. And yet…heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go.


1. Nick Cannon

He is one of two people who are the reason conversations like this even exist. You have never met anybody who thought Nick Cannon was cool. Or a good rapper. Or funny. Or entertaining, though he's a great host to millions of white people on America's Got Talent. Despite the fact that he successfully runs more businesses than most of us even realize, he never truly gets props for being a good businessman. We clown Nick Cannon because he's so clown-worthy. And yet, here is a list of women he's been publicly associated with: Christina Milian (she will resurface again), Selita Ebanks, KimKardashian, Mariah Carey (the wife), the former Eva Pigford, Nicole Scherzinger, etc. The point is, how is Nick Cannon, a dude nearly everybody has clowned managed to pull all of those women who by most men's accounts are hot as hell? One answer: #dicktoobomb


2. Ray J

And Ray J is the other reason convos like this exist. Ray J might be THE most clowned dude in Black history, largely of his own doing. He's gotten into a fight with Fabolous who clowned him for playing the piano in Floyd's house and launched one of the most entertaining tirades in entertainment history, second only to anything Charlie Sheen ever said during that time when #winning became a thing. He actually made the song "I Hit It First" outof sheer pettiness. Now, I'm a Ray J supporter. He entertains me to no end. Plus, he's been oddly co-signed by a significant number of "somebodies." Ray J's fame is odd. Child actor, knucklehead gang member, singer, pseudo-rapper, ladies man lover boy, etc. I've also never met a woman who told me she wanted to smash Ray J. Lucky for him, he had an entire SHOW of women who wanted to smash Ray J. (Note: To be fair, so did Flavor Flav and Bret Michaels). But we know Ray smashed Kim K, Whitney Houson, Superhead, fuckin' Pamela Lee Anderson, Ananda Lewis (whatever happened to her?),  Teiarra Mari, and Somaya Reece. I'm just saying; this is Ray J we're talking about. He likes to trick.


3. Stevie J

His history is noted on this site already so we won't go into too many details. But Stevie is the most shiftless, ridiculous nigga I can personally say I've seen on reality television, which is saying something. His antics (proposing to his current wife while giving his baby-mama a ring AT THE SAME DAMN TIME is definitely in the WTF Type of Shenanigans Did I Just See Hall of Fame) are legendary. And even in that example…realize…SHE STILL MARRIED HIM. His baby mama isn't going anywhere and seems to stillbe lost in him. And remember, we all really came to know Stevie J because of the one and only, Eve. She has his name tatted on her at one point. I mean, he's slept with AT LEAST three women who are LHH:ATL. How Sway????


So, who else you got?

Panama Jackson is the Senior Editor of Very Smart Brothas. He's pretty fly for a light guy. You can find him at your mama's mama's house drinking all her brown liquors.


amy juicebox

no but seriously…how is lil wayne not on this list.