Very Smart Brothas
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NBA Players Who Would’ve Had Better Careers If They Had Megan Thee Stallion’s Vibranium-Enhanced Knees, Ranked
1. Chris Webber 2. Anfernee Hardaway 3. Bernard King 4. Brandon Roy 5. Yao Ming 6. Derrick Rose 7. Amar’e Stoudamire 8. Tim Hardaway 9. Gilbert Arenas 10. Baron Davis 11. DeMarcus Cousins 12. Allan Houston 13. Fat Lever 14. Danny Manning 15. Greg Oden 16. Shaun Livingston 17. Jamal Mashburn 18. Jonathan Bender 19.…
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A Case for Why Jay-Z Should Forget About the NFL and Just Buy a Popeyes Franchise
Of the myriad possible metaphors for the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich craze of 2019—which is a thing I will tell my kids about when they ask how America voted for Donald Trump—my favorite is that the sandwich itself represents heaven. The line to wait for the sandwich? That’s life on Earth. Those who get their sandwiches…
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A List of Really Small Words You Can Use to Sound Really Big Smart and Impress People
1. Apt 2. Heft 3. Wont 4. Stem 5. Ode 6. Tryst 7. Link 8. Rapt 9. Rage 10. Pose 11. Tact 12. Couth 13. Canon 14. Knotted 15. Snarl 16. Emote 17. Rigor 18. Ply 19. Hiss 20. Pivot 21. Verve 22. Grit 23. Tonic 24. Disrupt 25. Body (if black is used before…
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Guys, Um, It’s True: Popeyes Has the Best Fast Food Fried Chicken Sandwich and It Ain’t Even Close
So let’s just get this out of the way immediately. I’m a fan of sandwiches. I’m a fan of chicken that is cooked in preparation of me eating it. And I’m a fan of chicken that is fried before I eat it. Unfortunately, the marriage between these three is usually unsuccessful, as the fried chicken…
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So…Um, Did Rue Die?
I’m still processing some aspects of both Euphoria’s season finale and the entire completed season. (Namely, whether the show is actually good, or if I just enjoy it and think it is.) But one cemented detail is that Zendaya catapulted into the holy shit stratosphere of acting and talent and presence and range. Anything this…
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I Felt Bad About Forgetting to Close My Garage Door Yesterday, But Then I Remembered I'm Not Bruce Hay
And I feel much better. Also, this blog is over now! Go continue the rest of your not-being-Bruce-Hay day! Bye!
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Why Calling the Cops on White People Is a Great Form of Self-Care
Yoga is cool. Exercise is fine. Sex is great. Rest is sublime. But if you really want to practice an exciting and efficient version of self-care, try calling the police on random white people. You will be refreshed, you will be fulfilled, it will complete you.
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How to Have an ‘Appropriately Chilled Kombucha Boy Summer’
It’s mid-July, which means it’s almost August, which means it’s almost fall, which means it’s almost that time of year when everything dies, which means you’ll soon be contemplating your own dwindling mortality and inevitable death. Since we don’t have much time left, we need to spend as much of it as possible living our…
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I'm My 'Ancestors' Wildest Dreams?' Nah, Bruh. I Ain't That Special
Maybe 15 years ago, upset that I couldn’t remember the details of these epic dreams I kept having, I started leaving a notebook at my bedside to jot them down. “Ha!,” I thought to myself, as I believed I finally found a method to capture my subconscious. “I’m clever as fuck!,” I also thought to…
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The Case for Washcloths: Why White People Need to Wash Their Damn Legs
I really don’t know what to write to introduce this video, so I’m just going to be literal. It has recently been revealed, through various social media platforms, that some people who happen to be white have boycotted the entire leg- and hand-washing experience. This information was—and is—well, perplexing, and I try to make sense…