Very Smart Brothas
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I'm Voting For Hillary Because I Want Trump Supporters To Lose Badly And Go And Fucking Die
A week from now we will (hopefully) know who the next President of the United States will be. And between now and Tuesday everyone reading this will be inundated with an avalanche of information with the dual (and occasionally overlapping) purposes of either informing you of choices others have made or influencing/reinforcing/swaying the decision you…
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Atlanta Episode 10 (Season Finale): "The Jacket" Recap
I mistakenly walked into the season finale of Atlanta with the idea that we more or less knew what was to be expected of this episode. A couple of hat-tips to the quirkier aspects of Black American culture, some behind the scenes insight to the struggles of the rap game, a moment of tenderness between…
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The Best Rap Beefs Ever
It’s interesting—and somewhat sad—that this decade’s only two meaningful rap beefs have involved attempts to sink the same floating dead body. It started in 2015, when everyone’s favorite manila-folder-complected, suburban Torontonian, Drake, traded “bars” with the somewhat less-meaningful Philly maestro of shout raps, Meek Mill. Though Meek exposed Drizzy for employing ghostwriters—a damning accusation in the world of…
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On The Helplessness of Watching Your Parents Get Old
Gospel artist Damon Little has a song out right now called, “I Won’t Be Defeated.” It’s a great song. Do you know who heard that song and was like, “n-word, please?” Time. Time is undefeated. Time ain’t lost a ‘bout yet. In the never-before-mentioned last level of Mike Tyson’s Punch Out, after Tyson whips your…
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Donald Trump Does The Hood: A Halloween Horror Story
He had been warned about this. His adult children, Ivanka, Eric, Donald Jr, and even the one no one gives a shit about, tried to reason with him, sharing horror stories about what they’ve heard about the hood, complete with anecdotes about deadly and sarcastic bodega cats and Ivanka’s own first-hand experience with mysterious and…
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The Draylor (Drake And Taylor Swift) Dating Rumors, Explained
Who is Drake? Drake is a walking, talking text message read receipt. Who is Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift is White. Why are they in the news today? They’re both very famous. Drake for crafting the soundtrack for feckless millennial fuckboys (like him) and somehow, through sheer force of personality and recent beardedness, convincing America that’s…
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Prenups Are For Poor People
And by “poor people,” I mean me and you, of course: basically, regular people. I’m 100 percent sure that the likes of Kanye and Kim Kardashian aren’t reading my writings, but if they are, I need the Pirate Black Yeezy Boost 350s in a size 10. Thanks. By definition, a prenuptial agreement is a contract…
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In The Woke Olympics, Nobody Wins Gold
I’ve decided I want to bow out. It was fun while it lasted. However, after careful review, I’ve concluded that The Woke Olympics just isn’t for me. I can’t compete. These carefully constructed tweets have me sweating at my desk on the regular, and baby, I’m tired. One slip of the finger, one well intentioned…
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Atlanta Episode 9: "Juneteenth" Recap
As a child I was always hyper-aware of the attempts at social climbing my parents made to move my siblings and me up the ladder rungs of black society. There were the Jack and Jill activities with the children of the Pastor at our local Megachurch, the etiquette classes that taught present-day me to chew…
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The Beautiful Struggle Against Racism
My uncle blamed everything on the white man. Global warming? It was the white man. Drugs destroying the community? Blame the white man. Football team lost? The white man was at fault. Uncle John was the kind of ghetto philosopher you’d find dropping knowledge in the barbershop. He’d walk in without an appointment and spit knowledge…