Very Smart Brothas
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When Jethro "Becomes" Jamal: Alabaster Fucknuggets And Their Laughable Digital Blackface
Remember that time a foot-faced, soul-sucking gargoyle became a beacon of hope for previously shamed racist swampdonkeys and self-hating Black folks everywhere and won the U.S. presidential election, thus empowering a new wave of oppressive shitbaggery and violence by the hateful, unmoisturized masses? That was big fun. Even funner? When previous critics of the Tangerine…
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It's Bad That Russia Influenced The Election, But It's Even Worse That 60 Million Deplorables Did Too
Raise your hand you knew, before this year, that the electors chosen in each state — the people who actually determine who the next president will be — could, if they want to, decide to opt out and choose against their state’s wishes. Ok, I see a few of you in the back with your…
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I'm Scared To Death Of Randomly Dying And This Embarrasses The Fuck Out Of Me
This time last year, with weight that I’m perfectly fine with calling “pregnancy weight” despite the fact that the gain began before my wife became pregnant still attached to my thighs, my face, and my gut, I weighted approximately 225 pounds. I was 199 when stepping on the scale this morning. I do not feel…
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"Martin" The Show Was Great, But Martin Payne The Character Was Trash
Hey you! Yeah you over there. Are you sitting down? If so, great! Stay sitting down. If not might I suggest you find a nice comfy lumbar-supporting transcendental meditation cushion and commence to sitting your ass all the way the hell down because I’m about to drop a truth bomb on your said seated asses.…
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Is "Homie" Spelled Homie Or Homey? (Hint: It's Totally, Definitely, Absolutely Homie)
Yesterday, the homie (See how I spelled it there?) Samantha Irby posted a Facebook status where she shared a conversation she had with her copyeditor about a line in her new book. Samantha spelled homie “homie” (the right way), but her editor suggested that homey is the preferred spelling. This spawned a debate on her page,…
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Kanye West Is What Happens When Whiteness Becomes The Standard
Admittedly, reminding myself that Whiteness isn’t any sort of standard to measure myself by is a concept I still wrestle with. Even today, as I’m acknowledging the existence of White privilege, of White supremacy, and of the creation of Whiteness, I have to consciously urge myself not to allow it to infect me. But it’s so pervasive,…
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Selfies Are Stupid Trash Shitty Pictures And We Need To Stop Taking Them
For the last week or so, there’s been a trend on Facebook where people post statuses asking their friends to list their most unpopular non-political opinions; a prompt that has resulted in threads occasionally stretching hundreds of replies long. This has both amused and annoyed me, mainly because (approximately) 98% of the replies are people just…
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An Ode To Donny Hathaway and "This Christmas"
If you know like I know you don’t want to step to this Christmas season doesn’t officially begin until the first time I play Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas”, his 1970 single (that he wrote with Nadine McKinnor) that tanked upon release but over time has become as vital to the Christmas season as Mariah Carey’s “All I Want…