white people white peopling
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Gov. Cuomo Comes for the New York Times, Drops N-Word While Defending Italian-Americans
In the latest installment of white people whitepeopling, New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo said a very stupid thing. Less than 24 hours after riding for Italian-Americans by announcing his intention to erect a statue honoring Mother Cabrini, the patron saint of immigrants and the first naturalized American citizen to be canonized—all while undermining New York…
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An Open Letter to the White Couple Who Wrote a Penn State Football Player About His 'Awful' and 'Disgusting' Hair
Penn State University has responded to a letter that was reportedly penned by a stale two-pack of allegedly college-educated Saltines condemning the player’s “awful” and “disgusting” natural hair. WPXI reports that Antonio Shelton tweeted a photo of a letter on Monday that was reportedly addressed to Penn State’s sophomore safety Jonathan Sutherland who—aside from serving…
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I Just Binged Season 1 of Succession and It Feels Like I Was on a White People Safari
I don’t remember exactly what Kotaku staff editor Natalie Degraffinried said a month ago when attempting to convince me to watch Succession. But knowing Natalie, I’m certain it involved some combination of “these white people” and “wild.” What I do remember was that she was the fourth or fifth black person in the last two…
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I Felt Bad About Forgetting to Close My Garage Door Yesterday, But Then I Remembered I'm Not Bruce Hay
And I feel much better. Also, this blog is over now! Go continue the rest of your not-being-Bruce-Hay day! Bye!
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Howard U's President Dropped a Statement About Walking Dogs On The Yard; Here's How It Reads In My Head
Washington, DC, is in the midst of a culture war between the new residents who want to mold the city into their own version of VanillaTown and the folks who didn’t ask for any of this shit but now have to defend their ways of life. Yes, we’re talking gentrification. From new residents of Chinatown…
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Brexit Reporter Declares He’s ‘Never Seen So Many White People in One Place.’ The Lie Detector Determined … That’s a Lie
Earlier in life then we probably realize, black people are taught the value of compartmentalizing our personas. While we take comfort in Wobbling at weddings and selectively blurting out “Ain’t nobody coming to see you, Otis!” around our own, we have a propensity to abandon the seasoning rack while amongst our unseasoned companions. Our speaking…
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White News Anchors Embarrass Mankind with Their Unseasoned Attempt at Black Slang
One of the cardinal sins of adulthood is embarrassing your kids—especially if they’re teenagers. As an unruly adolescent myself in a past life, I have vivid memories of my mother calling me “Cooch” in front of my friends, or my Dad’s bizarre obsession with 2Pac’s “How Do U Want It” (“That song is bad!” he…
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How Much Money Would You Pay to Watch a Donald Trump Perp Walk?
My parents and I would sometimes play this game where we brought up a thoroughly unattractive and/or vaguely problematic dare (i.e.: Driving to GetGo while butt-ass naked) and then attached increasing dollar amounts to it until you finally said yes. (“Would you drive to GetGo while butt naked for $10?” “No.” “50?” “No” “200?” “Eh.”…
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White People Are Getting Whiter
I recently decided to buy a new brand of mouthwash. Not because of any breath odor deficiencies that I’m aware of, but because it said on the bottle that it also made teeth whiter and I’m grown and I already get salmon with my side salads so why not splurge for the nuclear mouthwash too?…
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Professor Files Civil Rights Complaint Against Black Girls CODE, Claiming it Discriminates Against White Men
Today’s episode of WhiteCenter tells the story of the future hall-of-fame Mayo-American advancing one of White America’s oldest and most celebrated pastimes — white people-ing. Allow us to introduce you to present professor Mark Perry, a brave warrior who has dedicated his life to fighting for the rights of the marginalized and oppressed white man,…