white people white peopling
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So … Um … I Think Politico Just Published an Argument for Slavery. In 2018 (Yes, That Slavery)
On Tuesday, Politico published “Sponsor an Immigrant Yourself”—a thought exercise from people allegedly named “Eric Posner” and “Glen Weyl” that attempts to solve our immigration debate by thinking so far out of the box that the box now can only be seen by the Hubble Space Telescope. They’re so out of the box, in fact,…
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The 10 Whitest Things About the Woman Who Flushed Her Emotional-Support Hamster Down the Toilet at the Airport
Like sandwich cake, video games, Mary Kay distributing and trapping, there are levels to this whiteness shit. In Pittsburgh alone, there are at least 26 different grades of whiteness, including garden-variety Yinzer whiteness, Appalachian-adjacent whiteness, well-meaning Patagonia whiteness, Lululemon whiteness and Ben Roethlisberger. And sometimes, as in the story about Belen Aldecosea—the Florida woman who,…
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America Will Not Stop Until Martin Luther King Jr. Is Completely Rebranded as a Slice of Avocado Toast
America’s progressive distilling, dissolution and dissolving of Martin Luther King Jr.’s legacy and the accompanying appropriation of his words is truly a wonder to behold. It is like watching someone pour themselves a shot of Jack Daniels—but in a gallon jug instead of a shot glass. And then watching them add more and more ice…
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Are We Certain That Britt McHenry and Tomi Lahren Aren’t the Exact Same Person?
Earlier Monday afternoon, Deadspin revealed that Professional White Woman Britt McHenry bought many of her Twitter followers. And that she then jumped on Twitter to have a death match with the “liberal media” about it. And then said something about fake news. And then went on the radio Monday morning to basically say, “Oh yeah,…
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Can We Talk About How a Woman With the World’s Whitest Name Pretended Not to Know That Norway Is White?
Admittedly, there are times when witnessing the audacity of caucasity in its full splendor that there’s nothing left to do but marvel at it. Perhaps, if you’re feeling particularly magnanimous, you can even appreciate it. Not because of what it does but because that level of confidence and performative obliviousness can be aspirational. I mean,…
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Things We Should Probably Stop Letting White Guys Do
White men are taught to believe that they can do everything, it’s just how our society is set up. But should they do everything? I’ve compiled a short list of things that, while white guys feel totally comfortable doing, maybe they should let someone else try or just stop doing altogether. Needlessly abbreviate words. Not…
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The Mayor of Pittsburgh Had Young Black Drummers Dressed as Civil War-Era Soldiers at His Inauguration and I Have Questions
Bill Peduto was inaugurated as mayor of Pittsburgh on Wednesday, officially beginning his second term in office. I don’t really have many thoughts about Peduto himself. He seems like he’s perpetually campaigning to be the mayor of a city that only exists in Nancy Meyers movies, but I guess that’s ambitious or something. I do,…
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A Line-by-Line Response to the New York Times’ Response to the Backlash It Received for Publishing a Nazi Puff Piece
On Nov. 25, the New York Times published “A Voice of Hate in America’s Heartland”—a piece about the wedding registry, eating habits and eyebrow maintenance of an Ohio man who also happens to be a Nazi. This profile bothered quite a few people, who were somewhat annoyed that the country’s biggest and most important newspaper…
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A Sentence-by-Sentence Reply to This Racist-ish and Awkwardly Punctuated Facebook Message I Got Yesterday
Jhon [redacted] and I are not friends, but I hope one day that we will be. If I am ever in London (where he apparently lives), I’ll make every effort to stop past [redacted] (where he apparently works) and introduce myself. Until then, however, I’ll have to settle for replying to this glorious message he…
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Candyman, the Scariest ‘Leave Them Damn White Girls Alone’ Movie Ever, Is 25 Years Old This Week
I can’t believe it’s been 25 years. Candyman was released on Oct. 16, 1992, but I remember it like it was yesterday because I couldn’t look in a reflective surface for a week after first seeing this film. To be honest, it took me over a year before I was able to enter the bathroom…