theory & essay
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"I Like Big Butts. And I Cannot Lie." Says Science
I don’t know exactly when it happened. I suspect it occurred sometime during the second semester of my freshman year in high school, but I don’t know why then or what caused it. What I do know, though, is that butts came out of nowhere. I never paid much attention to girl’s butts before then.…
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The Worst Part Of The DOJ's Report On Ferguson
We know that the Department of Justice will continue to investigate the Ferguson Police Department. And, if Ferguson doesn’t adhere to whichever changes the DOJ orders them to make, they will face some type of consequence. We know we’ll use the empirical evidence of the systematic racism in Ferguson to continue to fuel our own…
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Ben Carson Is The Dumbest Motherfucker Alive
I do not care that Benjamin Solomon Carson, Sr. graduated from Yale and became the director of pediatric neurosurgery at John Hopkins when he was 33, the youngest ever in that position. (For comparison’s sake, at 33, I was still saving my cups from Panera Bread — leaving with them instead of throwing them away, keeping…
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From One Awkward Black Girl To Another, Thanks Issa Rae
When I first heard HBO ordered a pilot for Issa Rae’s hit Youtube series “Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl,” it took several rounds of “Hallelujer” and “Yes, Lordt” before reality settled in. I wondered: Would HBO pick up the series, written and produced by Rae and “The Nightly Show” host Larry Wilmore? There’s certainly a…
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What Damn Color Is This Clearly (Clearly!) Black And Blue Dress?
There are two types of people in the world. 1. People who see a black and blue dress. 2. People who see a white and gold dress. And by “people who see a white and gold dress” I mean “people who willingly download Big Sean mixtapes.” And by “people who willingly download Big Sean mixtapes”…
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Why "I Hope He Whooped The Shit Out Of George Zimmerman" Is The Blackest Thing I've Ever Heard This Week
1. Because although Melissa Harris-Perry said “hope,” its said in the same spirit of Cedric The Entertainer’s “wish.” Remember, she gave this speech at Cornell University. If she gave that speech at Cornell’s House of Naturals in East St. Louis instead, I’m 99.9% certain “I hope he whooped the shit out of George Zimmerman” would have…
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I Wish It Was "Just Hair"…But It Aint
Full-disclosure: I’m a proud member of the #naturalhair community. I’m the chick who schedules huge blocks of time to wash, condition, and style my hair, all the while claiming that #bighairdontcare. The summary of my hair journey has been a rollercoaster of tender-headed press and curls to perms to (cluelessly) natural to the return to…
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What's Happening With Derrick Rose Is Fucking Sad
The amount of money Derrick Rose will make because of professional basketball will be in the hundreds of millions. Not tens. Hundreds. He is very young; 26, probably younger than most people reading this. He’s also handsome, world-famous, and, aside from his recurring knee issues, in presumably amazing health. Basically, when thinking of the type…
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Completely And Utterly Ridiculous Racial Slurs For Black Americans, Ranked
I’m not quite sure what “jigaboo music” is. Or what it would sound like if I heard some of it. (Drums and the sound of watermelon being cut?) Ohio news anchor Kristi Capel, however, is aware, and it apparently sounds like Lady Gaga. Capel has since apologized, claiming that she didn’t know what the word…
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I'm Black. And A Vegetarian. And You Should Be Too.
What is Black Vegetarianism? I am a blegitarian vacketerian a Black person who does not eat meat and this piece is dedicated to the wonders and (insert outdated slang reference for fantastic)ness of Black vegetarianism. You can read this entire piece or the first sentence of each paragraph and move to the comments sections. It’s…