Taylor Swift
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I’mma Let Y’all Finish, but Taylor Swift Causing a Spike in Voter Registration Is the Greatest White Savior Story of All Time!
After she blessed the nation with the Instagram equivalent of the “I Have a Dream” speech, news outlets everywhere are attributing Tennessee’s sudden spike in voter registration to pop icon Taylor Swift. Apparently, the banjo-strumming pop diva’s newly-discovered wokeness has inspired people who believe that God gave chicken all the seasoning it will ever need…
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An Open Apology to Taylor Swift, Who Recently Discovered Racism
Dear Taylor: Can I call you Taylor? Or should I refer to you as Ms. Swift? Swifty? The Swiftress? Look, I know you probably have no idea who I am. And if you do, I’m sure you don’t have a very high opinion of me. I won’t even try to deny that I have made…
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These Older Black Ladies Aren’t Here for Taylor Swift’s ‘September’
Older women in my family have no clue that Taylor Swift decided to butcher Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September.” But if they did pay attention to the internet and social media and cared to make a video of their reactions, it would go something like this: Alternating between disgust and laughter, the women are the…
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A List of Things I’d Rather See Taylor Swift Cover Than Earth, Wind & Fire’s ‘September’
1. An in-ground swimming pool with a weatherproof tarp. 2. Her mouth. 3. The ESPYs as a special correspondent for C-SPAN. 4. A chicken breast with a generous helping of Old Bay. 5. Her shoulders with a sweater if she was out somewhere and it got a bit colder than she expected it to be…
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Taylor Swift Just Disrespected Earth, Wind & Fire With Her Cover of ‘September’
If I were to make a list of all the things the world does not need right now, it would include Donald Trump as president of the United States, another nuclear war, self-driving cars, and a Taylor Swift cover of the Earth, Wind & Fire classic “September.” Because we have been living in our very…
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Did a Taylor Swift Script Dead Donald Glover’s Deadpool?
If Tyler Perry was able to get his Boondock’s episode scrubbed from every crack of the interwebs, it is entirely plausible that the whitest of all white womanhood, Taylor Swift, would be just the girl to dead Donald Glover’s Deadpool. Stephen Glover, Donald’s brother and creative partner, all but confirmed it. Earlier this week, after…
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Amber Rose Ends the Instagram Idiots Who Called Her Son Gay for Liking Taylor Swift
What kind of moron tries to drag a child? It’s a question Amber Rose knows too well, and that’s a damn shame. On Tuesday the SlutWalk advocate shared a video of her 5-year-old son, Sebastian, opening up a surprise gift from Taylor Swift—tickets to one of her upcoming concerts—because he loves Swift! She’s got hits!…
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The Difference Between ‘Hungry’ and ‘Thirsty,’ Explained
Thank you for the kind words! I should tell you, though, that this explainer is actually about the colloquial use of “hungry” and “thirsty,” not the standard definitions. Shit. I need to hurry with this explainer, then, because you’re gonna die soon. Anyway, in a colloquial sense, “thirsty” and “hungry” both mean the same…
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Judge of Characters: What Happens When You Silence the Silence Breakers?
Time magazine shocked us all when it named several women and men who spoke out against sexual assault as its Person of the Year. The editors labeled the brave souls “the Silence Breakers.” But in addition to noticing Taylor Swift on the cover, I couldn’t help seeing that the cover lacked Tarana Burke, the founder…
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All These Women of Color Are Badder Than Taylor Swift
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, RIP to the fan who thought Taylor Swift was the baddest bitch of all. Last month, Twitter user @xnulz challenged the internet to “name a bitch badder” than Taylor Swift. This weekend (I don’t know why it all went down this particular weekend; social media works in mysterious ways), a…