news
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Make It Last Forever (Keith Sweat Voice), Don’t Let Our War End: Afghanistan Edition
President Donald Trump is becoming a master at the nonspeech speech, and nothing says nonspeech like Monday’s treatise on the 16-year war in Afghanistan. Every man who has ever been caught cheating has given a nonspeech. It works like this: Throw out tons of misdirection; offer some truth; admit some fault—usually not the fault that…
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Dear NYC Police Union: Blue Is Not a People, Blue Is Not a Race … Unless Y’all Smurfs
Y’all, please come get the Sergeants Benevolent Association, please, because I do believe someone in public relations has lost his damn mind. On Sunday night, the New York City Police Department union released a video claiming that cops are the victims of “blue racism,” and face worse prejudice than those who are judged by their…
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Va. Issues 4 Warrants Against Christopher ‘Nazi Crybaby’ Cantwell
If he was crying last week over assuming he had warrants, neo-Nazi Christopher Cantwell is definitely shedding some big racist tears this week. Cantwell, who was infamously featured in a Vice documentary and attended this month’s racist Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville, Va., now has four arrest warrants issued by Albemarle County (Va.) Commonwealth’s…
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Charlottesville, Va., to Cover Confederate Statues in Black Fabric to Mourn Heather Heyer
The city of Charlottesville, Va., is planning to cover the statues of Confederate Gens. Robert E. Lee and Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson in black fabric to represent the city’s mourning of Heather Heyer. The Daily Progress reports that the City Council voted unanimously early Tuesday to drape the fabric in Heyer’s honor. Heyer, 32, was killed…
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Texas Man Arrested on Charges He Planted Bomb on Confederate Statue
Welp. One Texas man is taking his hatred of Confederate statues to the absolute next level, authorities say. According to the Associated Press, a 25-year-old Houston man was arrested after officials say he was caught trying to plant explosives on a Confederate statue at a local park. Prosecutors charge that Andrew Schneck was caught Saturday…
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The Secret Service Is Going Broke Protecting Y’all’s Baller in Chief
We’re not even two-thirds of the way through 2017, and the Secret Service has damn near run out of money because Donald “D. Diddy” Trump insists on living like he’s perpetually on the set of a ’90s rap video. According to USA Today, more than 1,000 agents have already hit the limit for their salary…
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Donald Trump Looked Directly Into the Eclipse and Unfortunately Did Not Spontaneously Combust
If there was one thing I wished to happen during all of this eclipse hoopla, it was for Donald Trump to somehow spontaneously combust after looking at it directly. Little did I realize that the president, like many other people, would be dumb enough to look directly at the eclipse without eye protection. But, of…
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Bill Cosby Is Putting Together a ‘Dream Team’ to Defend Him During His November Retrial on Sexual Assault Charges
Bill Cosby is hard at work putting together a “dream team” of attorneys to represent him in November at his retrial in Pennsylvania for sexual assault charges. The comedian has hired an attorney who previously represented Michael Jackson. The Associated Press reports that the 80-year-old Cosby is rebuilding his legal team after the lawyers from…
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Petition Proposes Replacing Confederate Statue in Va. With a Statue of Missy Elliott; Here’s Where You Can Sign
The internet can be a dark and enraging place sometimes, but every once in a while, there is a ray of light in this darkness: This time, that beautiful spark of greatness comes in the form of a petition to replace a Confederate statue with one of Missy Elliott. The Change.org petition proposes removing a…
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‘If I Were KKK, Would I Hold You Like This?’ Viral Picture Supposedly Shows Confederate-Monument Defender and Black Lives Matter Supporter
So, there’s apparently a viral photo circulating the interwebs that purportedly shows a Confederate-monument defender embracing a Black Lives Matter supporter … and I have some serious questions. On Friday the Virginia Flaggers, a group committed to defending Confederate monuments and memorials, stationed “Monument Guards” around a monument in Lynchburg, Va., in response to a…