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Significant Moments In Black History That Never Really Happened Pt. 2
Back in the days after I was a teenager and well after I had a Skypager (I never had a Skypager) I wrote about significant moments in Black history that never really happened. By no means a definitive list, it included such landmark and hallmark moments as the death of Ricky on the streets of…
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10 Completely Separate Times Nia Long Proved She's The Best And Baddest Actress Who Ever Lived
According to several sources, Nia Long, the baddest actress who has ever lived, is apparently engaged to long-time boyfriend Ime Udoka. I am happy about this. Because, by doing things like “existing” and “sitting while appearing on screen,” Nia Long has been making me happy for over 20 years. So being happy about her happiness…
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Why The "Grown-Ass Black Man With Cornrows" Is The Greatest Hairstyle Ever
1. Because aside from being… A) an inmate B) a grip on a porno set C) a gang member in LA (and only in LA) D) a pimp in a randomly bizarre location like Sioux Falls, SD, Punxsutawney, PA, or Saturn E) a light skinneded daytime TV star in a Tyler Perry movie …there’s no valid…
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Poignant-Ass Simple Shit My Mom Used To Say To Me, Ranked
(My mom grew up on a farm and has 13 siblings. I love her.) 10. “I don’t know them people.” This was usually stated when I asked her to sleep over at a new friend’s house. The answer was always no, but she told me that my friends could sleep over at our place any…
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Foods Your Bitch Ass Better Not Bring To A Memorial Day Cookout
1. Tossed salad Because no one — not even the fire ants and mosquitoes sharing an all-inclusive buffet on your ashy ankles — wants to eat your soggy-ass, lettuce the color of beef and broccoli Timberlands-ass, tossed salad at a fucking cookout. 2. Tuna salad The only thing shittier than your StarKist and mayonnaise and macaroni after…
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Five Things Having A Pregnant Wife Has Taught Me
1. Look, I get it. Pretty much every living thing you see — humans, birds, gnats, plants, Zetas, etc — can reproduce. And when something can be done by everything that shares any type of biological connection to you, it’s really not that big of a deal. I mean, I didn’t go around all excited and…
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5 Of The Blackest Hip-Hop Albums Ever Released
You know how every so often the alleged literati (I say alleged because the literati meeting place [Facebook] is filled with ignoramuses of the highest order) of the Black community get into a pseudo-discussion about what constitutes a Black movie? Is it a Black movie if it has Black people, the back of Forest Whitakers neck,…
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Cool Shit BET Did Back In The Day, Ranked
8. BET Uncut Yes it was exploitative, distasteful, low-budget, vulgar, objectionable, hateful, and, quite frankly, embarrassing, but…well…hmmm. Actually, there are no buts here. It had no redeeming value. But I watched it, and you did too, and how else would we have been exposed to Joker The Bailbondsman? 7. Hell Date ***A meeting at some…
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An Investigation: Why White People Hate Kanye West So Damn Much
Human Rorschach test Kanye West closed out last night’s Billboard Music Awards with performances of “All Day” and “Black Skinhead” that were bleeped so many times they should have just had him holding a sign with the word “censored” as the entire performance. The reactions on my timeline and newsfeed about his pyrotechnics ranged from pissed to exasperated…
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10 Things That Would Be Much Better If You Mixed Hennessy With Them
Last week, I wrote that Hennessy was overrated and that we (Black people) need to finally collectively admit to ourselves that it just doesn’t taste good. Boy, was I wrong. I don’t know what inspired me to write that. Because Hennessy is the greatest drink I’ve ever drank. I’m actually drinking Hennessy right now as I write…
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