hoteps
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Judge Joe Brown Believes Harriet Tubman Has No Place on the $20 Bill: 'It's Insulting to the Black Race'
Joseph B. Brown, more commonly known as Judge Joe Brown, is an accomplished lawyer, a celebrated television personality, and a full-fledged, whole ass hotep. And before you go, “No, he isn’t!” thus, forcing me to retort with, “Uhhh, yes the hell he is!” did you hear what he said about Harriet Tubman? Probably not, since…
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Umar Johnson Is the Black Church
The Hoteps are hilarious. We should all make fun of them. I still find it hard to believe that people actually cape for Umar Johnson. I’d never fall for it. I’m too educated to buy into that illogical nonsense. I pray to God that I would never be that stupid. The Bible says we need…
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I Was Wrong. His Name Is Doctor Umar Johnson
A little more than a week ago I wrote two scathing articles about Umar Johnson. I called him a charlatan (I think … I call a lot of charlatans “charlatan”). I castigated him for taking people’s money without showing them where it went. I said that there was no evidence he ever tried to buy…
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We Fact-Checked Umar Johnson’s Hotep Tantrum With Roland Martin Because Someone Had To
While everyone is grabbing the popcorn for the Blac Chyna-Rob Kardashian beef, the real donnybrook was happening Monday on TV One’s News One Now, when host Roland Martin had ankh-right leader Umar Abdullah-Johnson on his morning show. Everything seemed cool in the Great Ascot vs. Daishiki War, and then everything exploded. Johnson called a panelist…
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How Umar Johnson Cured Me of Being a Hidden Hotep
I am a recovering hidden Hotep. Mind you, not the ankh-wearing, incense-selling, lecture-women-about-their menstrual-cycles kind of Hotep. I was more Hotep-adjacent. Hidden beneath my public-Ivy education and functional relationship with my parents lurked a man who would disappear down YouTube click holes of Tariq Nasheed, Professor Griff, ZaZa Ali and, of course, Dr. Umar Johnson.…
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TrumpPets Are the White Hoteps
You’ve seen them before. Maybe you dated one because you liked the way he called you “king” or “queen,” before he chastised you for wearing your skirt too short, putting lye in your hair or—and, no, I’m not kidding about this—getting so far away from your African roots that your body does unnatural, Eurocentric things…
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Five Ways Babies Are Basically Tiny Hoteps
1. They always #staywoke…like, literally Pictured above is my three month old daughter. That photo was taken by my cousin while she was visiting us last weekend, and I’m certain she took it some time between 7pm and 10pm. Because that’s when she was visiting us. But, if my cousin happened to visit us at 3am or…