dr. umar johnson
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30 Questions About Dr. Umar Johnson's Claim That Black Americans Spend $19 Million a Year on Grits
In an Instagram post on Labor Day, Dr. Umar Johnson lamented that he would be able to build multiple schools for Black boys if we gave our annual grit money to him instead. I have questions. 1. Where did he find that number? 2. Is there a secret registry of grain-specific stats that only hotep…
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If You Thought the Lakers Were Bad This Season, Space Jam 2 Could Be Even Worse
After his starring role in extending the Los Angeles Lakers playoff drought to an inconceivable sixth season, NBA superstar LeBron James might be forced to trot out the same underwhelming crew that embarrassed itself all year for his upcoming Space Jam 2. According to NBC Sports, the Akron native is struggling to reel in big…
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Umar Johnson Doesn't Announce Location of His Academy of (Con) Arts and Sciences … Again
The Honorable Dr. Umar Ifatunde GoFundme Johnson, great-grand-playcousin to Frederick Douglas, the most requested bullshitter in the Unconscious Community, Big P.O.P.A. (Prince of Panhandling Arts), the ride-or-dashiki school nurse who vowed to one day Make Hotep Great Again, has announced the location of his long-awaited Hogwarts School for Gifted and Talented. No one in America…
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A Firsthand Account of the Legal Hearing, Support Rally, Church Service—and Attack—of Umar Johnson
Two things can be true at the same time. It is possible to believe that Oprah Winfrey might be the transformational black woman of our generation while simultaneously believing that she is not qualified to be president. One can believe that Kanye West is an attention whore who exists somewhere on the fuckboy spectrum and…
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Umar Johnson Announces He’s Under Investigation for Hotep Hogwarts
It be your own negus. World-renowned Hotepologist and miseducator (Dr.?) Umar Johnson has threatened to refund the money he collected for the Invisible Frederick Douglass Dashiki Institute for Black Boys and go back to the Motherland after someone snitched on him to Pennsylvania’s State Board of Psychology, triggering an investigation. On Thursday Johnson posted an…
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Judge of Characters: Oh God, Wait … Am I a Hotep?
This week, besides having to scroll through all things Rumi and Sir Carter, I learned that Madame Tussauds doesn’t care about black people, particularly Beyoncé, Prince, Denzel Washington and any other black wax figure they’ve made. Dr. Umar Johnson may just be a doctor after all. It took some digging from The Root’s Michael Harriot,…
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They Came, They Saw, And They Conquered Umar Johnson's Hotepalooza In Brooklyn
Two weeks ago, Dr. Umar Johnson had an event in Brooklyn, where the Prince of GhostedGoFundMe was scheduled to give a talk, sign some books, and share beard maintenance tips. (He does have a pretty impressive beard.) Three brave people volunteered as tributes, to attend and report back on their findings. Here are their stories.…
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I Was Wrong. His Name Is Doctor Umar Johnson
A little more than a week ago I wrote two scathing articles about Umar Johnson. I called him a charlatan (I think … I call a lot of charlatans “charlatan”). I castigated him for taking people’s money without showing them where it went. I said that there was no evidence he ever tried to buy…
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Jesse Williams, Jay-Z, Umar Johnson and the Allure of White Women
“There’s dishes in the back, he gotta roll up his sleevesBut while y’all washin’—watch himHe gon’ make it to a Benz out of that DatsunHe got that ambition, baby, look in his eyesThis week he moppin’ floors, next week he’s on friesSo stick by his sideI know there’s dudes ballin’, and yeah, that’s niceAnd they…
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Why Niggas With Advanced Degrees Hate It When People Lie About Having Them, Explained
So, I have to say. Although most of the criticisms about Dr. Umar Johnson seem to be valid, the one that makes me feel a certain way is how hard some of you degreed niggas are going in on his supposed lack of a doctorate. It seems elitist and classist; as if only a Black person…