Sports
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Clowns Recognize Clowns: Antonio Brown Working Out For The Saints
You just really have to admire the NFL’s dedication to clownery. What else can explain Antonio Brown’s possible return to the league? NBC Sports reports that Antonio Brown is working out for the New Orleans Saints as they head into the playoffs. Brown seemingly confirmed this news after he posted a picture a workout waiver…
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You Can’t Make This Up: Italian Soccer League’s New Anti-Racism Campaign Features…Monkeys
If I was hired to create an anti-racism campaign for a sport with a serious racism problem, the absolute last thing I would do is plaster monkeys all over the damn place in an effort to make my point. But because we live in a world fraught with poor decisions from painfully obtuse white people,…
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Nigerian Immigrant Eloquently Explains Why He’s the ‘Real American’ After Breaking MAGA UFC Fighter’s Jaw
A bombastic, Trump-supporting mixed martial arts fighter is desperately hoping that doctors can make his jaw great again after a “Nigerian Nightmare” smashed his MAGA mandible to smithereens, much to the dismay of xenophobic Ultimate Fighting Championship fans. The main event at Saturday’s UFC 245 featured a matchup between Kamaru Usman, nicknamed “The Nigerian Nightmare,”…
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Stephen A. Smith’s Ego and Hairline Suffers 2-Inch Setback After Jemele Hill Snatches His Wig on Twitter
ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith is a black man. He’s had to point this out a lot over the past few months when his black credentials were thoroughly examined after what many believed was a bashing of quarterback-turned-freedom-fighter Colin Kaepernick’s clusterfuck on an NFL tryout. Smith was called everything but a child of God for his…
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Racket Serena Williams Smashed at US Open Sells for $20,910
On Sept. 8, 2018, Naomi Osaka became the first Japanese player ever to win a Grand Slam title after defeating her childhood idol, Serena Williams. Sadly, what should’ve been one of the greatest days of Osaka’s life was marred by poor officiating and controversy. Now, over a year later, one of the infamous mementos from…
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No More Mr. Nice Guy: NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Announces ‘We’ve Moved On’ From Colin Kaepernick
From NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell’s perspective, he was just trying to help. He combed through resumes, took note of a former employee who never quite reached his potential, and called him in for an impromptu job interview. Never mind that said employee had been exiled from the company for nearly three years under contentious circumstances—or…
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Pittsburgh Doesn’t Deserve Mike Tomlin
So this premise is already operating at a deficit: If born, I guess, you deserve the ability to continue living, and whatever’s necessary to achieve that goal—food, water, safety, shelter, etc.—exists under that umbrella. But once we get into concepts like happiness and fulfillment, our application of “deserve” becomes nebulous, as it gets conflated with…
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Wide Receiver Jordan Veasy Signs with the Washington Redskins After Participating in Colin Kaepernick’s Workout
While Colin Kaepernick’s NFL workout in November has since been proven to be nothing more than a farce, it has been fruitful for one of the players hand-picked to participate. Though Kap remains unsigned, the Washington Post reports the Washington Redskins have scooped up wide receiver Jordan Veasy. On Wednesday, he joined their practice squad…
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49ers Announcer Tim Ryan Suspended After Claiming Lamar Jackson's 'Dark Skin Color' Gives Him a Competitive Advantage
It’s no secret that melanin is the source of our superpowers as black people. But if you let idiots like sports announcer Tim Ryan tell it, it also gives black NFL players like Baltimore Ravens quarterback Lamar Jackson an unfair competitive advantage. No, really. And that’s exactly how he just got his ass suspended. From…
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Yes, the Seattle Seahawks Busting Out the 'If It Isn't Love' Dance Routine Was the Blackest Moment in NFL History
Throughout the course of its history, the NFL has gone to great lengths to curtail touchdown celebrations. It’s handed out fines, dished out 15-yard penalties and pissed off millions of fans in the process. But now that the league has come to its senses and embraced the beauty of a well-orchestrated touchdown celebration, we’ve entered…