Politics
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Trump Claims the Blacks Love Him More After He Bashed Baltimore. So He Bashed Charm City Some More
President Trump does this thing that I used to do when I was a cheater. That thing is lying. But it’s not just lying, it’s a form of lying that isn’t easy to disprove. It looks like this: You make a claim and then claim that said claim is supported by hundreds if not thousands…
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HUD Secretary Ben Carson Proves That a World-Renowned Pediatric Neurosurgeon Can Still Be a Bootlicker
Housing and Urban Development Secretary Ben Carson, aka “Tethered Ben Carson,” is continuing his mission to undo the legacy of Ben Carson, the world-renowned pediatric neurosurgeon. Carson agreed with President Trump’s claim that Baltimore was a “rodent-infested mess” during his battle with Rep. Elijah Cummings (D-Md.). Apparently, Trump was upset with Cummings for doing his…
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President Trump Is a Modern-Day Forrest Gump
To hear the president tell it, he was with John F. Kennedy the night before he was shot and Trump warned JFK that riding in a convertible wasn’t a good move. Trump was also with Neil Armstrong on the moon, although he wasn’t pictured in any of the shots. Before the 1981 NFC Championship game,…
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Splitting the Baby: Kamala Harris' 'Medicare for All' Plan Sees a Role for Private Health Insurers
A day before the myriad Democrats vying to unseat Donald Trump face off in a second set of debates, presidential hopeful and California Sen. Kamala Harris put forth a plan to gradually move the nation to a “Medicare for all” health insurance system. The keyword is “gradually.” Unlike “Medicare for All” plans put forth by…
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All the Times Donald Trump Tweeted the Word ‘Infested’
On Saturday, Donald Trump woke up rage-tweeting about Rep. Elijah Cummings’ district, which includes most of Baltimore, describing the city as “rat and rodent infested.” Although I first thought the remark was a compliment because the Yelp reviews for Mar-a-Lago frequently mention the resort’s large population of free-range mice, I quickly realized that Trump was…
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Sen. Rand Paul Offers to Buy Rep. Ilhan Omar a Plane Ticket Back to Somalia
Republican Rand Paul is Kentucky’s junior senator, which is kind of like starting on a JV squad. He’s a scout team member who is not really ready for primetime. He sits at the kids’ table during Thanksgiving and yet, despite that, Paul is still in the running to become Trump’s favorite grape feeder. In the…
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Trump Keeps Doing These Racist Morning Tweetstorms Because They Work
President Trump started out as the racist old man standing on his Twitter lawn yelling about the black kids driving fast through the neighborhood. Yes, he’s only yelling at the black kids, because he’s racist. With time and higher approval ratings, the further he goes into his racist bag; the president is becoming more emboldened,…
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President Who Can’t Read Wants Obama's Book Deal Investigated
Man, the president must be really pressed to come up with this doozy. On Wednesday, former special counsel Robert Mueller testified before the House Judiciary Committee and the House Intelligence Committee about the Russian investigation, which reignited impeachment discussions among Democrats. Clearly, this annoyed the president, because he called reporters into the Oval Office on…
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Supremes Give Trump Green Light to Use Military Funds to Build His Precious Wall
By a 5-4 vote Friday night, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that Donald Trump can co-opt funds meant for the military to fund his beloved wall at the southern border between the U.S. and Mexico. Trump trumpeted the ruling on Twitter as a “BIG VICTORY,” which came in the form of a one-paragraph, unsigned finding…
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Pelosi, Ocasio-Cortez Make Nice and Come to a Meeting of the Minds
Looks like Nancy Pelosi and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez have decided to bury the hatchet. The dean of the House Democrats and the high-profile star of the party’s progressive wing met Friday behind closed doors to “clear the air,” as the Associated Press reports. The meeting came about after the two have traded sharp words, culminating with…