Some Thoughts
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America's Long Racist Nightmare Is Over
It is a new day in America. That we have chosen to forge a path into the bright, beautiful morning is a testament to this nation. Once again, in our darkest hour, we overcame our penchant for self-destruction and chose to embrace the light. But, in all the exultant triumph, let us not forget one…
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Unify With Deez Nuts
In less than 24 hours, Joe Biden will become the president of the United States of America. During his inauguration ceremony tomorrow, he will deliver a speech, and it will revolve around the concept of unity because he is a sentient shoestring and unity is his entire steez. In fact, pledging to take a shot…
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The NRA Just Filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. Here Are Some Hoodies I Own.
I bought this at Uncle Bobbies in Philadelphia after a book talk there in 2019. It’s a little snug, but I enjoy wearing it because it makes me feel like Daniel Craig. Also, one of the women working there was wearing the same hoodie, and we took a picture. Hoodie pictures are always fun. This…
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Everything Y'all Say About Clubhouse Makes It Sound Like the 4th Ring of Hell, So Please Stop Inviting Me to It
It was 2008. I was working at Duquesne University, and one of my colleagues was telling me about Burning Man, which I’d never heard of. He was planning on attending the next year and was pitching me to come with him. At first, it sounded like something I’d maybe be into. (“It’s a yearly festival…
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OK, NBA. Enough Is Enough
As one of the chosen few lucky enough to have NBA League Pass and NFL Sunday Ticket, I’ve made it my mission in life to ignore sunlight and other basic human needs in order to consume as many games as humanly possible. But on Saturday night, I refused to partake in the shitshow that was…
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White People Need Better Hobbies
Even as the pandemic has handcuffed so much of our activity, think for a moment of all the shit you still have planned for the next several days. A virtual yoga class you wish to take. A book you need to finish. A show you want to binge. A recipe you’re anxious to try. A…
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Meghan McCain's Face Is a Face
Meghan McCain’s face, captured here in a thousand-yard death stare while Brady-Brunched with her castmates on The View and Raphael Warnock, is not a bottle of Mylanta Maximum Strength Liquid Antacid/Anti-Gas Classic. Nor is it a pancake, a Cadillac Seville, a tent, a three-on-three basketball tournament trophy from the Pittsburgh Jewish Community Center, a poached…
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To Georgia, and Black People, Who Are One and the Same
Real quick: I heard them on the phone talking about you, disparaging your integrity. I would have at least told them to keep my people’s name out of their mouths, but I imagine that’s how white boys talk in private. In my head, they’re always talking about titties, yelling the n-word or concocting a nefarious…
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Why Pixar's Surprisingly Polarizing Soul Is So, Well, Surprisingly Polarizing
This morning, I began the celebration of my 42nd year on Earth with Esomeprazole (for acid reflux), Lisinopril (for blood pressure), a vitamin C pill, a vitamin D pill, and a zinc supplement. At some point today, I will drink a cup of bone broth. And maybe this evening I will eat a gluten-free slice…
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A Preview of an NBA Season That Shouldn't be Happening Because We're in a Raging Pandemic But I'm Still Watching Anyway and That Makes Me Complicit!
The NBA is back! On the same week that news broke of a more contagious strain of a virus that has killed millions of people! There’s no bubble this time either! Just planes and airports and buses and hotels like any other non-pandemic time! I am very excited for this season and I plan to…