Opinion
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Christmas Vs. Kwanzaa: The Tale of the Tape
I was raised in a fundamentalist church that believed in the seventh-day Sabbath, tambourines and neverending, four-nights-a-week services that lasted well into Arsenio Hall’s opening monologue. Apparently, God’s eternal kingdom specifically forbade rap music, brazen women who had premarital sex (if you were a man it wasn’t ok but it didn’t decrease your value) and…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: O Come, All Ye Racists
“The Clapback Song”: Nikes roasting on an open firePete Buttigieg lying through his noseJonas Brothers singing Earth Wing & FireWhite people in plantation wedding photos Everybody knows, that phone call to Ukraine was badAnd what they did to Kaepernick ain’t rightBut white people are spitting madBecause a MAGA jaw got broken in a fight. They…
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For Black People Who Have to Work With MAGAts After Impeachment
Sometimes I take for granted how much God* has blessed me. Every day, I get to work with a group of people who know all the lyrics to Lil’ Kim’s verse in “Quiet Storm” and don’t have to count in their heads when they do the Electric Slide (those are actually the first and second…
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30 Questions for the Way Too Aggressive Card Chip Reader at Target Last Night
1. When I was done making my purchase yesterday—a Wilton Icing Writing Black Pen and three Sterilite Clearview Latch Boxes with purple latches—was it really necessary to say “Remove your card … NOW?” 2. Don’t you know that putting “NOW” in there was overkill? 3. And also rude as fuck? 4. What happened to “Remove…
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Carly Fiorina Is Somehow Both for Impeachment AND Re-election
Remember Carly Fiorina? No, she wasn’t the lead of the hit Nickelodeon series iCarly. She was the Republican Presidential candidate who turned into Ted Cruz’s running mate during his campaign’s final Hail Mary. Still nothing? Well, she was interviewed this morning by CNN in what I can only assume was a “Where Are They Now?”…
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Hollywood Critics Association Names Kristen Stewart Actress of the Decade in the Same World Viola Davis Exists
In a dystopian world where no other actress exists, Kristen Stewart has been named Actress of the Decade by the Hollywood Critics Association (HCA). “We at the HCA are proud to announce that Kristen Stewart will receive the Actress of the Decade Award at our ceremony on January 9, 2020,” The HCA tweeted from their…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: ‘Real Racist’ Bingo
Whenever someone asks if writing the weekly Clapback Mailbag ever gets old, I tell them that receiving and reading notes from people telling me why I’m so wrong can sometimes be annoying. But, to be fair, it’s not the receiving part that bothers me; I rather enjoy responding to our readers. But reading poorly punctuated…
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For Colored Dads Who Have Considered Kindness When French Fries Wasn’t Enuf
I planned to explain my leave of absence from The Root before it happened. Then, during my wife’s routine doctor’s visit on the last Friday of August, everything went to shit. We thought we had a week and a half before she would give birth but she was on the phone telling me that the…
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Fake Christmas Trees Are the Bhad Bhabie of Christmas Trees
I was at my grandmother’s house when I first saw the TurboGrafx-16 of Christmas trees. My mother had explained that my grandparents were older and they didn’t have the time nor the energy to fuss over a real tree. I was probably around eight and I was excited to see a fake tree since the…