Jared Kushner Implies That 'Complaining' Black People Don't 'Want to Be Successful' Because We Don't Support Trump

Illustration for article titled Jared Kushner Implies That 'Complaining' Black People Don't 'Want to Be Successful' Because We Don't Support Trump
Photo: Andrew Caballero-Reynolds (Getty Images)

Boooooy, when I tell you I can’t stand Trump or his minions.

First, let me just state an unassailable fact: White people don’t know shit about the Black community.


Certainly, there are white people who were raised in largely Black neighborhoods who have sat in some barber shops, picked up some AAVE, proved on the basketball court that white men can in fact jump, and successfully learned that the two and four are the appropriate intervals to clap on—but even they weren’t raised in Black families or burdened by systemic racism in America.

So when I hear white conservatives—who are whiter than the whitest whites to ever commit white-icide and spread their white-istry of white-itudes through the land of White-landia—talk about the needs and the shortcomings of the Black community, I get sick.

NBC News reports that during a Monday interview with Fox & Friends—a “news” show that manages to be whiter than the Friends sitcom—White House adviser Jared Kushner shared his infinite expertise on the ways of the coloreds by explaining that if we’d only accept the generosity of the white-savior-complex-in-chief, we might finally stop “complaining” about whatever inequality thingy we keep going on about.

“The thing we’ve seen in the Black community, which is mostly Democrat, is that President Trump’s policies are the policies that can help people break out of the problems that they’re complaining about, but he can’t want them to be successful more than they want to be successful,” Kushner—a man who has no Black friends but once caught half an episode of Good Times so he totally knows what he’s talking about—said.

Kushner—who two-steps to Taylor Swift’s cover of Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September” because the original throws off his rhythm—is really out here trying to be the final boss in the game of “Caucasity” by suggesting that if we don’t support Trump we must not want to be successful in life.


White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany joined the Miss Millie chorus line when she released the following statement:

“It’s disgusting to see internet trolls taking Senior Advisor Jared Kushner out of context as they try to distract from President Trump’s undeniable record of accomplishment for the Black community. From criminal justice reform and record HBCU funding to record low Black unemployment and record-high income increases, there is simply no disputing that President Trump accomplished what Democrats merely talked about. Those who have worked with President Trump have seen success on these joint objectives, unlike with previous failed Democrat politicians.”


Somebody, please tell Tomi Lahren’s understudy that nothing she said is “undeniable.” Tell Christina Agu-liar that fact-check after fact-check shows that Black people aren’t thriving under Trump like he says we are, and the economic gains we are experiencing are largely due to the policies of the Black president he loves to hate.

McEnany, Trump, and Kushner—who thinks Carlton Banks is a negro credit union—would all do well to keep the Black community’s name out of their mouths. None of them are likely to set foot in a Black neighborhood unless they’re accompanied by a camera crew and there’s a photo-op to be had.


They still think Black-on-Black crime is a thing and that we never talk about it.


They think any version of history that doesn’t center whiteness isn’t worth learning.


They think diversity training is racist against white people.


They give Trump and Kin Kardashian credit for prison reform largely achieved by Black activists and Democratic lawmakers.


And now Kushner is slick calling Black people lazy because we won’t call Trump our Orange Jesus. Sounds about white.

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons


If sanity prevails and Trump is removed from office, consecutive sentencing should easily keep Jared in prison for the rest of his life.