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White Cop to Black Kids: ‘Wait Till Your Asses Turn 18. Then You’re Mine’
The first sentence of this story should read: “A Virginia police officer is under fire after he was captured on video insinuating that he can’t wait to subject a group of black middle school children to the horrors of the criminal justice system.” But that would not be true. In fact, the Richmond, Va., police…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: A Conspiracy of Dunces
On Fridays, instead of getting our orders from our white slavemasters at the Illuminati regional headquarters, The Root responds to emails, tweets, DMs and comments from our readers. Sometimes we get it in early and other times we have to wait for it to be approved by the Pope, the Jews and the Bilderbergs. They…
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Louisiana Town Swears in Police Chief Who Really Likes Racism
While telling the story of the Louisiana police officer who openly admits to sharing racist memes—including one suggesting white people should drown their daughters if they likes black boys—we should not call him “a racist.” To avoid looking one-sided and to portray ourselves as objective truth-tellers, journalists should refrain from calling anyone a “racist.” Instead…
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White Gangbangers File Civil Rights Suit After Getting Off Scot-Free In Deadly Shootout
After authorities announced that Texas’ top gang thugs will not face prosecution for a deadly Waco shootout, the gangbangers who were charged in the melee that left nine dead and 18 injured have now filed civil rights lawsuits alleging that they were targeted simply because they were gang members shooting at a gang member shootout.…
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Just When You Thought the Trump Administration Couldn’t Get Any Lower, This Happened
Contrary to popular opinion, Donald Trump is not Satan. If Satan ate six buy-one-get-one-free clearance specials from a mystery meat cart at a Mississippi carnival that gave him diarrhea that he was unaware of until an assumed fart revealed itself to be an inadvertent poopburst that leaked out of his anus and ran down his…
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Erased From History: Meet Redoshi, the Last Survivor of the Transatlantic Slave Trade
For years, Cudjo Lewis was recognized as the last survivor of the U.S. slave trade. His life’s story was told in news reports, history books and—most notably—in Zora Neale Hurston’s 2018 bestseller Barracoon. But new research has revealed that the last survivor of American slave trading appears to be an abductee on the same slave…
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White People Didn't Do This: On Nipsey Hussle and Conspiracy Theories
A few years ago, someone told writer Anna Merlan that I would be a good person to interview for a book she was working on about conspiracy theories. When she informed me that she was going to dedicate a chapter to black conspiracies, I was startled to find out that she had never heard of…
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White Woman Admits to Making Up Story About Being Attacked By Black Man
Twenty percent of black men in the Quincy, Mass., area breathed a sigh of relief Monday when police called off their manhunt for a nondescript negro hoodlum who was terrorizing fair-haired maidens in neighborhood parks. As it turns out, it was the white lady who was the hoodlum. On Monday, March 25, WHDH reported that…
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LOL, America. You Almost Got Me
I gotta hand it to you, America. This extended April Fool’s Day joke has been one of the greatest hijinks of all time. Unlike some people who get pranked, I’m not going to pretend that I knew what was going on all along. I thought it was real. It was so well done that I…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: Undercover Wypipo
When I started today’s mailbag, the intro was going to be this really funny bit about how, for far too long, the Clapback Mailbag has neglected all the white people who aren’t racist but who aren’t actively fighting against racism. I was crafting this hilarious premise, doubled over in laughter (which, in my humble opinion,…
