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An Open Letter to the Bahamas from America’s ‘Very Bad’ Gangsters and Drug Dealers
Dearest Bahamians, First, as the official spokesperson representing the Greater Association of Ne’er-do-wells, Goons, Shitbags and Thieves of America (GANGSTA), a consortium of America’s worst crooks, I would like to offer my condolences and best wishes on your recovery from Hurricane Dorian. We pray that the people of the Bahamas make a swift recovery from…
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The Root’s Clapback Mailbag: The Top 10 Clapbacks of All Time, Part 2
As we continue our stroll down memory lane listing the greatest moments in the history of the Clapback Mailbag, I thought that we should focus today on how the writers at The Root have changed the world. According to our readers, not only have we increased racism by talking about racism, we also made Hillary…
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Mom Unleashes N-Word After She’s Arrested for Leaving Baby in Nightclub Parking Lot to Take Shots
Authorities say a Texas woman hurled racist obscenities and resisted arrest after police detained her for the simple crime of enjoying a few cocktails with her hubby while the family car babysat the couple’s infant. Police in the Trump-loving central Texas town of Copperas Cove, whose motto is “The city built for family living” responded…
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Morehouse Students' Claims of Sexual Misconduct Prompt Additional Investigations
Viral videos containing accusations of sexual misconduct have prompted internal investigations at one of America’s most celebrated historically black colleges after two social media whistleblowers allege that they were victims of sexual harassment and assault at the hands of one of the college’s employees. Their revelations may have inspired other students to step forward with…
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Trump Administration Reinstates Death Penalty, Schedules Five Executions
Warning: This article does not use euphemisms to refer to the federal government’s killing policies. After more than a decade without an execution, the attorney general—who previously played the role of Peter Griffin on Family Guy—announced that the federal government will start killing people once again, ordering five men to the execution chamber as Donald…
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Trump Gives Speech in Front of Altered Presidential Seal Featuring Golf Clubs and ‘45 Is a Puppet’
Donald Trump’s recent appearance in front of the racially-problematic right-wing organization that gave us Candace Owens, Blexit and the MAGA Yeezy fashion line turned into the funniest speech he’s ever given after keen-eyed observers noticed that the president’s backdrop was a graphic depicting everything wrong with Putin’s Executive in Charge of U.S. Operations. On Tuesday,…
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Man Climbs 15 Stories to Save Mother From Burning Building
Warning: The content of this story may cause eye sweating or the temporary loss of tear duct fluid. In West Philadelphia born and raised, playing Spiderman is where a man known only as Jermaine apparently spent most of his days after he was caught on camera climbing 200 feet during a courageous rescue attempt and…
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Trump Offers to 'Vouch' For A$AP Rocky, Swedish PM Offers Trump Choice of Several Seats
President Donald Trump was shocked to discover that there is no international exchange rate for white privilege when the Prime Minister of Sweden declined Trump’s offer to “personally vouch” for jailed rapper A$AP Rocky. Trump was pretty sure that he could extend his personal immunity to the law to A$AP Rocky, who has been imprisoned…
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Hate Thy Neighbor: Man Allegedly Sent Hallmark Cards Threatening to Shoot ‘Minorities’ Who Move Into His Neighborhood
Authorities charged a California man with hate crimes upon finding a cache of weapons and ammunition in his home, after he was accused of sending threatening greeting cards to his non-white neighbors. On June 30, police in San Luis Obispo, Calif, arrested the future star of a Dateline NBC episode, 62-year-old Richard Vincent Orcutt, after…
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A Police Chief Was ‘Concerned’ About How His Department Handled Police Shootings, So He Kept It a Secret
A Kansas police chief said that he was so concerned that his department was “contaminating” police shooting probes that he took several steps to address the issue, including continuing to employ allegedly corrupt officers, keeping broken policies in place and—most importantly—keeping all of this a secret. According to the Associated Press, newly filed documents in…
