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  • The Root's Clapback Mailbag: I Feel Fine

    I’m going to stop being so offensive. From now on, I promise to respond to the violence, theft and downright absurdity of white supremacy with eloquently composed reactions that ruffle no feathers and leave no one feeling offended. From this day forward, I won’t call the white people who inflict pain “white people who inflict…

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  • A White Woman Admits She's Been Rachel Dolezal-ing Us for Years—and I Feel Fine

    A White Woman Admits She's Been Rachel Dolezal-ing Us for Years—and I Feel Fine

    I admit that I don’t know how to feel about this story. I don’t know how to feel about this story because it doesn’t affect me in any material way. I don’t know how to feel about this story because I am a human being. I don’t know how to feel about this story because…

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  • Donald Trump Admits He's a Terrible President

    Bereft of logical arguments for why any lucid-thinking human being would ever cast a ballot in favor of an incompetent, egomaniacal scofflaw white nationalist, President Donald Trump has resorted to a peculiar technique to secure a second-term dictatorship of the seventh-greatest country in the world: Acknowledgment. In a series of typical addlebrained ramblings over the…

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  • An Exclusive Interview With a Passenger From Donald Trump's 'Thug Plane'

    During an interview with Faux News’ Laura Ingraham, Donald Trump recounted a story about a plane “almost completely loaded with thugs” headed to destroy one of the great American cities. Trump’s claim was echoed by Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), who was also familiar with Boyz n the Hoods Airlines. While some speculated that Samuel L.…

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  • NFL Announces Plan to Do the Bare Minimum

    If there was one entity Black America dreamed could take the baton of equality and sprint toward the finish line, it was not the billion-dollar social injustice advocacy collective known as the National Football League. Asking the NFL to help fight racial injustice is like asking Kentucky Fried Chicken to promote veganism. But on Tuesday…

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  • Why Jason Whitlock Is Not a Black Man

    This article contains two opinions: Jason Whitlock is not stupid. Jason Whitlock is Black. The rest is fact. Whether you like him or not, most people share these opinions of Jason Whitlock. Although I often disagree with his viewpoint, I understand that his function in life is to serve as a funnel through which anti-Black…

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  • This Headline Is for When Donald Trump Says Something Racist in Wisconsin, Which He Surely Will [Updated]

    If your End Times Apocalypse Bingo Card had the revolution starting in Wisconsin, congratulations, you might be in the running for the grand prize of an FDA-approved COVID-19 vaccine. (Spoiler alert: It’s just a 2 percent solution of Clorox, McDonald’s Sprite and Sen. Jim Jordan’s armpit sweat.) President Donald Trump is scheduled to incite more…

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  • Police Union Criticizes NHL Team for Opposing Racism

    Racist white people hate being called racist white people. I know this because I receive emails, tweets and DMs from white people who are insulted by the notion that all white people don’t hate Black people. Most recently, after an article about patriotism and the NBA strike (or this one about Ben Shapiro…or this one…

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  • Portland, Ore. Police Investigating White Suspect in Caucasian-Involved Shooting Death at Trump Rally

    As a nod to the standards of white mainstream journalism, this story is reported in the language used to report crimes involving Black suspects, “officer-involved” shootings and protests against racial injustice. Police are investigating a military veteran’s involvement in what appears to be a white-on-white shooting death of a gang member participating in a protest…

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  • The Root's Clapback Mailbag: The More Things Change

    On August 25, 2017, The Root changed the world when it began a feature called the Clapback Mailbag. Back then I thought white people would NEVER stop being racist but I must admit I was wrong. We’re really proud of the part we played in changing the national zeitgeist. Thanks to us, you get to…

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World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of “it.” Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.


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