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The Many Complaints of Abigail Fisher
On Thursday the Supreme Court upheld the University of Texas’ affirmative action policies and shot down claims by Abigail Fisher that the policy was unconstitutional. Although Fisher claimed that she was denied entry to the University of Texas because she was white; obviously her spot had been taken by some student of color who was…
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The Top 10 Black TV Fathers of All Time
As we celebrate Father’s Day, the men who shaped our lives deserve much praise and applause. As such, we also want to honor the talented men who shaped our cultural ideal of black fatherhood. We gathered an esteemed panel of tastemakers, experts and women who made a 2 o’clock hair salon appointment but are still…
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Five Great Alternatives Black America Should Seriously Consider For President
As Barack Obama’s second presidential term winds to a close, Black Americans are contemplating the sad prospect of holding their noses when they cast their votes for the next Commander-in-Chief. Instead of choosing the lesser of the remaining evils, here are five choices you should consider for the next Black President of the United States:…
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The White Person's Guide To Surviving A Terrorist Attack
My Dear Caucasian Brethren, I want to first thank you for allowing me to speak to the Global Society for the Advancement of White People for the third time. It is indeed an honor and a privilege to stand before such luminaries as Hillary Clinton, Taylor Swift, Donald Trump and the entire cast of Exodus:…
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An In-Depth Analysis of the Greatest Christmas Song of All Time
When the Temptations released Give Love at Christmas in 1980, they had already cemented their position as one of the greatest musical groups of all time. Now, I know that some Caucasian baby boomer who stumbled across this article is already guffawing at that statement, but I bet your 17-year-old nephew can summon the words…
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The 2015 List of People We Don’t Mess With Any More
Notwithstanding the fact that two very smart brothas (Damon Young and Patrice O’Neal) have instructed me to never trust a Black man without facial hair — we (Black people) collectively stopped messing with Taye for a very different reason. Taye made headlines and our shit list when he said he doesn’t want his biracial son…
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The 2015 List of People We Don’t Mess With Anymore
Notwithstanding the fact that two very smart brothas (Damon Young and the late comedian Patrice O’Neal) instructed me never to trust a black man without facial hair—we (black people) collectively stopped messing with Taye Diggs for a very different reason. Diggs made headlines, and our s—t list, when he said he doesn’t want his biracial…
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Rosa Parks Thinks You’re a Bitch.
While we were wading through the remnants of #ThanksgivingWithBlackFamilies and waiting for “The Wiz” we almost forgot that December 1st marked the sixtieth anniversary of the day Rosa Parks boarded a bus in Montgomery, Alabama and said to James Blake – “Nah.” While the actual quote may be slightly different, every year I like to…
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An Investigation: Are Donald Trump And Al Sharpton Really The Exact Same Person?
After hundreds of interviews, thousands of hours of exhaustive research and an illegal DNA test performed by genetic scientists at the laboratories abandoned by The Ricki Lake show in the late 90’s, I’ve concluded that there is a significant statistical probability that: Donald Trump is probably Al Sharpton. The origin of this investigation began in one…
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The New Negro And The Lost Art Of Shutting The Fuck Up
A few weeks ago, a reporter spotted one of Donald Trump’s “Make America Great Again” baseball caps in Tom Brady’s locker. I won’t derail this article by going on a rant about how their definition of when America was “great” was either when negroes were docile, or even better — slaves. I won’t even mention…
