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The School for Magical Negroes
Hello, people of color! Are you tired of bearing the burden of walking around as the scary, dark-skinned demon who makes white women clutch their purses in Wal-Mart parking lots and clinch their anuses in elevators? Have you grown weary of candidates for president painting you as a Muslim bogeyman who needs to be expelled…
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White Lives Matter and the Lost Art of Shutting the F Up
I consider myself a practitioner of a dying art form that is slowly disappearing from society. Long before it was an internet acronym or a text message abbreviation, this unique skill was passed down to me as a man who was raised by a single mother in a house with three other sisters. I honestly…
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How to Explain Black Lives Matter to White People
If you haven’t been there yet, you will. Sometime in the near future, you’ll be in the break room at work when Jennifer starts asking questions. (You know Jennifer. She works with all of us. She’s the too-friendly white lady who writes her name on her food, shows you pictures of her cats and touches…
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A Dear John Letter to the Democratic Party
Dear Democratic Party, First, I want to tell you that I appreciate all you’ve done for me, but I have just begun to realize that our relationship is abusive. I know that most relationships are based on what we see our parents do, and I watched mine get stuck in this same kind of toxic…
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That 1 Time Donald Trump Was Right
Are you sitting down? I want to make sure you aren’t standing. I don’t want your knees to buckle or you to hit your head when you faint, because I have never written these words before. In fact, this may be the first time these words have ever been printed on this site: Donald Trump…
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Open Letter to White People Who Are Obsessed With Black-on-Black Crime
Dear Caucasian Brethren, I decided to sit down and write this letter to you because every time I try to have a nuanced conversation with you, I am interrupted by the same shrill refrain. Here is an excerpt from every conversation when I ask you to help me find a solution to a problem: Us:…
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I’m Not With Her Because I’m Petty
Most of my friends who grew up in the South have a story about the time their mothers sent them out to the yard to pick their own switch for a whipping. I do not. My mom summoned me for a spanking once and declared that I had to go outside and pick a switch,…
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An Open Letter to Bill O’Reilly From One of the Slaves Who Built the White House
Dear Bill O’Reilly: Yesterday I was just sitting here playing a game of Monopoly with Thomas Jefferson, Tupac and Harriet Tubman when someone turned on your show. (Yes, we do watch Fox News in heaven. Most comedies are rated R and are filled with cusswords, and we need something to laugh at.) First, I want…
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The Alt-Right Debutante Ball: How a Racist Group Hijacked the GOP and RNC
While black America giggled at the Melania Trump memes all over the internet, a far more troubling situation presented itself at this year’s Republican National Convention. An overlooked contingent has quietly infiltrated America’s two-party system and embedded itself into the mainstream of of the GOP. The 2016 RNC might look like the same old pomp…
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Racism Is Not Hate
I have a cousin named Jerry*. He is 10 years older than I am. He was a virtuoso drummer who you would have been willing to swear had four arms and three feet if you had ever heard him play. He became a prodigy on the piano even though he never owned a keyboard. He…
