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Ga. Is Going to Execute a Black Man Convicted by a Racist Juror
On Tuesday, Sept. 26, if the U.S. Supreme Court does not intercede, the state of Georgia will execute Keith Tharpe. Keith Tharpe is probably guilty. In Georgia, an impartial jury must unanimously vote for capital punishment in order for a person to receive the death penalty. In 1991, when Tharpe was convicted, every juror voted…
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What to Say When Your White Friend Wants to Use the N-Word
On Thursday, the British blowhard with a face that looks like a half-filled Hefty bag, Piers Morgan, wrote a piece explaining why black people shouldn’t be mad when white people use the word “nigga.” It all started because of a video of a group of white sorority girls singing the song “Gold Digger” at some…
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Does Donald Trump Struggle With Reading? An Investigation
People across social media made fun of Donald Trump on Wednesday when he referred to the African country of Namibia as “Nambia.” Everyone laughed but me. Even though I am well-known for the sensitivity and politically correct tactfulness that I display on a regular basis (hey, don’t laugh!), there is another reason that I didn’t…
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Deceased NFL Star Aaron Hernandez Had ‘Most Severe Case’ of CTE That Researchers Have Ever Seen
The former New England Patriot who committed suicide in a Massachusetts prison in April after being convicted of first-degree murder suffered from a degenerative brain disease that researchers say they have never seen in someone his age. In a press conference to announce a lawsuit on behalf of NFL tight end Aaron Hernandez’s daughter, Avielle,…
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University of Mich. Students Illustrate When It’s OK to Punch a Racist
A recent protest that turned violent at the University of Michigan has reignited a very important debate that has been in the news lately. In today’s educational quiz, we shall explore this pressing question: “When is it OK to punch a racist?” You should understand that as your proctor for this quiz, I live by…
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Chicago Deposits $20,000,000 in City’s Only Black-Owned Bank
In a move to strengthen Chicago’s local economy, city Treasurer Kurt Summers deposited … hold on while I convert $20 million using the Negrometric exchange rate (let’s see; you carry the 1 … OK, I think I got it). The city of Chicago “made it rain” on the city’s last remaining black-owned bank when it…
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This Acoustic Cover of ‘Bodak Yellow’ Is the Whitest Thing That Ever Happened
Like many children, when I was growing up, I received my share of spankings. Although they were very sporadic, they were not the apex of punishment in my mother’s household. If I did something extremely outrageous stupid (like the time she caught me and my cousin holding a Zippo lighter over a gas stove because…
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Thirsty Republicans Slide Into America’s DMs for Obamacare Repeal … Again
Republicans are trying to repeal Obamacare again. At this point, the efforts to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act have passed the point of political failure and have become embarrassing. Republicans are like the creepy guy who keeps shooting his shot even though he keeps getting curved. The Republican Party is now stalking us.…
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An Open Letter to White Statues From Black America
Dear Statues, We know there’s been a lot of back and forth about our people’s efforts to eliminate your people from the planet, and instead of having you hear it secondhand, we thought we’d pen this open letter so you could get it straight from the source. It’s not that we don’t trust the filter…
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The Incomplete List of Things White People Are Mad About This Week
In The Root’s efforts to reduce the amount of required daily reading about the Caucasian clutching of pearls, we have decided to condense the collective woes of wypipo into this brief listing of the things melaninless America will be weeping about this week. This checklist can come in handy for a number of reasons: Use…
