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Here Are Some Pictures of Black Kids in Halloween Costumes. You’re Welcome
This weekend, kids all across the country knocked on doors, begging for candy and threatening neighbors with “tricks” in the tradition of the annual Halloween bullying tactic in which children extort sweets from hardworking adults. Even though I only give out cough drops, bouillon cubes and throat lozenges (that’s all I could find), I still…
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Fragile Snowflake Referees in NJ Refuse to Work Football Game After Players Take a Knee
In another case of white fragility gone wild, a father-and-son referee duo refused to work a New Jersey high school football game because black players triggered the refs’ pwetty wittle feelings by taking a knee. According to the Associated Press, Ernie and Anthony Lunardelli refused to work a game between Colts Neck and Monroe high…
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#NYCStripperStrike: City’s Black Exotic Dancers Strike Against Colorism, Unfairness
While you’re sitting there worried about white supremacist terrorism, Russians subverting democracy and North Korea slingshotting nuclear bombs at us through the world’s largest spitball straw, the real apocalypse is happening in New York City. According to multiple outlets, Black Twitter and the moistness from tears of the forgotten victims—men who planned to go to…
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White Supremacists Gather in Tenn., Prove Whiteness Is Not Supreme
The slow-thinking, thick-tongued members of the master race converged on two Tennessee towns Saturday in an effort to save Caucasians from oppression, irrelevance and the secret genocide that’s always just about to happen to white people but never does. But their efforts to prove the supremacy of the white race took a slight hit when…
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On Watching a Black Woman Let Wypipo Touch Her Hair
At the intersection of divine providence and the collection of complex chemical reactions that cause us to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide and that we have chosen to call “life,” there still exists a nether region that can be explained only by the ancient African proverb, “Shit happens.” Shit happened to me last night. Well,…
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2 NYPD Cops Charged With Raping Teenager in Police Van
After listening to evidence for a week, a grand jury has charged two officers in the New York City Police Department with the first-degree rape of an 18-year-old woman. According to the New York Post, Officers Eddie Martins and Richard Hall are alleged to have detained the victim in the city’s Brooklyn borough on Sept.…
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Chrisette Michele Becomes 1st Black Woman to Cry White Tears After Label, Black People Kick Her to Curb
Our “bridge” is falling down. It was only a few months ago that Chrisette Michele peered into an envelope containing a check and proposal from Orange Hitler, chunked up the deuces to the black community and hopped into a limo to be the featured shucker at Donald Trump’s white supremacist takeover bash inauguration concert. Saying…
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The Caucasian’s Guide to Halloween Costumes
Editor’s note: This article originally appeared in “White-People Quarterly.” For a subscription, please consult your local pumpkin-spice retailer. For years, brain scientists and education experts have searched for a way to make white people understand what not to wear to Halloween parties. In the 2016 annual secret Global White People’s Convention, a vote to issue…
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White Supremacists Have Scheduled a Sequel to Charlottesville, Va., for Saturday in Tennessee
Gobs of half-literate, thick-tongued troglodytes will convene in Shelbyville and Murfreesboro, Tenn., on Saturday to fight for the rights of the great, marginalized white race. What: The residents of Shelbyville are bracing themselves for another racistpalooza held by two groups—including one of the most prominent organizations from Charlottesville, Va.’s Unite the Right rally, which produced…
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Even Republicans Agree That Marijuana Prohibition Is Stupid
I’m not saying that having Donald Trump as president is making everyone wish they were high, but a new poll reveals that Americans’ attitudes about the use and legalization of marijuana are quickly changing. Gallup has been doing polls on public support for and acceptance of Mary Jane for nearly half a century. Their latest…
