-
This Alleged Relationship Contract Between 8th Graders Is The Greatest Thing You'll Ever See
I still have doubts about whether this relationship contract found and tweeted by Longform.org founder Max Linsky (@maxlinsky) today is real. But I’m going to officially choose to believe that it is. Because that choice allows me to officially acknowledge it as the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. Also, it being real means it was created by the…
-
10 Things I Do Because I'm An Awkward Ass Dude Sometimes And I Have No Other Reason
1. Make pretend phone calls to just leave places without talking to people when I want to just leave places without talking to people but know that just leaving without talking to anyone would be awkward and inappropriate. Basically, if you see me at a happy hour and I’m on the phone and walking out…
-
When Peak White Privilege And Peak Rape Culture Create The Perfect Fuckshit Soufflé
If you are a person who… 1. cares at all about concepts like social justice, racism, gender equality, feminism, patriarchy, and privilege …and… 2. carries a frustration with people who have either been unable or unwilling to possess a nuanced understanding for what any of these concepts mean …convicted rapist Brock Turner, his father Dan, and…
-
Muhammad Ali Is Dead. 2016 Can Go To Hell.
Perhaps, later today or two days or a week or a month from now, I’ll have more to say about the life and the impact of Muhammad Ali. Right now, however, I have nothing besides shock and sadness. Not so much that he’s dead. But that his death leaves humanity with such a gaping and…
-
On Those Too Stuck On ’90s Nostalgia to Appreciate Great NBA Basketball Today
There are few ironies as clear and demonstrative as the fact that Michael Jordan—a man who from 1985 to maybe 2005 was perhaps the coolest man on the planet (and is still able to sell millions of shoes from the residue of that status)—has somehow emerged as a proxy for what is decidedly uncool. Of…
-
Stephen Curry Is Not An Underdog, So Please Stop Trying To Make Him One
Several hours from now the Golden State Warriors will play the Cleveland Cavaliers in a rematch of last year’s NBA Finals. The Cavs are much better equipped than they were last year, when a spate of injuries left them without two of their three best players (Kyrie Irving and Kevin Love), forcing Lebron James to…
-
Dear White People: Here’s How to Interact With Your Black Co-Workers After They’ve Seen Roots
Hello, white people. Thanks for stopping by and reading! As many of you may already know, during the Memorial Day holiday, the History Channel began airing a four-part remake of Roots—the iconic miniseries tracing a black family’s history starting in West Africa, through American chattel slavery and up to the present day. As you can…
-
Morgan Freeman Turns 79 For The 79th Time Today. Happy Birthday!
They say it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert at something. (They’re wrong when they say that, but they still say that anyway.) Well, iconic actor and professional stately motherfucker Morgan Freeman turns 79 today for the 79th time. Which means he’s had 700,000 hours worth of practice of being 79. Which…
-
Why People Have So Many Dumb Opinions About What Happened With Harambe the Gorilla, Explained
In your title you imply that many people have dumb opinions. Are you saying that people are generally stupid? I’m not saying that. I’m not not saying it. But I’m definitely not saying it. What I am saying is that none of us is immune to dumb opinions. Even the smartest and most aware of…
-
Things Your Bitch Ass Better Not Do At A Memorial Day Cookout Today
1. Bring your bad-ass, Zika virus adjacent-ass kids and expect that since there are other adults around, you don’t have to watch them Maybe it takes a village to raise a child, but the village aint responsible for your neglectful-ass allowing your pinheaded seven-year-olds to slapbox by the flame pit. If being a parent is…
