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Donald Trump Does The Hood: A Halloween Horror Story
He had been warned about this. His adult children, Ivanka, Eric, Donald Jr, and even the one no one gives a shit about, tried to reason with him, sharing horror stories about what they’ve heard about the hood, complete with anecdotes about deadly and sarcastic bodega cats and Ivanka’s own first-hand experience with mysterious and…
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The Draylor (Drake And Taylor Swift) Dating Rumors, Explained
Who is Drake? Drake is a walking, talking text message read receipt. Who is Taylor Swift? Taylor Swift is White. Why are they in the news today? They’re both very famous. Drake for crafting the soundtrack for feckless millennial fuckboys (like him) and somehow, through sheer force of personality and recent beardedness, convincing America that’s…
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30 Reasons Why Your Favorite Team Won't Win An NBA Championship (…And 30 Ways They Can)
The NBA regular season starts today, just a few months after the Golden State Warriors culminated their historic collapse by losing to the Cleveland Cavaliers in the NBA Finals. And, if you happened to forget how suddenly the Warriors went Peak Dumpster Fire and how Lebron and Kyrie did Steph and Klay and Dray like Negan…
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Is 2016 The Beginning Of The End For Drake?
Its at best counterinituive and at worst gotdamn fucking insane to suggest that Drake may be at the precipice of becoming less popular. Especially since he’s never been more famous and more singular. At the moment he stands as the undisputed king of the hip-hop hill, the only other contenders either too old (Jay Z), too “eh, I…
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Ivanka Trump Has Actually Already Seen A Mulatto Cock: Her Dad
For the first 15 or so minutes of last night’s debate, Donald Trump was uncharacteristically subdued. His voice was unusually measured, his gestures and body language were demonstratively less disturbing, his eyes were barely open, and he even struggled — and continued to struggle throughout the night — to take sips of water from a glass.…
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I Miss Not Being Able To Witness My Mom Witnessing The Things I've Experienced Since Her Death
I began writing this at 10:30am. Three years ago at this time, I was home, going through my morning ritual — which consists of some combination of working, showering, getting dressed, eating, and walking the dog — a bit slower than usual. A deliberate and intentional slowness because I knew that when my routine was…
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What Do You Do If Your Uber Has A Donald Trump Bumper Sticker?
This was a question I asked myself Saturday night, as I noticed that the Uber coming to pick my wife and I up had a Trump/Pence bumper sticker on it. As many of you know, my feelings about Trump supporters are well-documented. Bit of context: We were headed to a club to celebrate a friend’s…
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10 Signs You’re Black and From Pittsburgh
Editor’s note: This is part of a series that looks at regional blackness and what it’s like being black in various parts of these United States. I know, I know, I know. If you’re not from Pittsburgh, your first thought when coming across this list was probably, “Wait … there are black people in Pittsburgh?”…
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Michelle Obama Is The Best Thing About America
A few weeks from now, the country will decide if Donald Trump — a unabashed bigot, racist, misogynist, xenophobe, charlatan, and chickenhawk — will be our next President; the person we choose to be America’s representative to the rest of the world; essentially the most important motherfucker on Earth. He will probably (hopefully) lose the election.…
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On Black Women As Birth Of A Nation's Scapegoats, And Why Roland Martin Needs To Delete His Twitter
At the time of writing, BOAN (an acronym for Birth of a Nation) is trending. Not because of the film itself. Or even directly because of the controversy surrounding Nate Parker — its star, director, executive producer, and head writer. But because it performed below most expectations, which is being blamed on Black women collectively…
