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10 Things I’ve Learned After Being a Dad for 2 Weeks
1. Infants are what would happen to an adult if you made it super tiny and then gave it a liter of Jack Daniels. The tiny part I knew already, but the drunken part is something I’ve discovered in the last couple of weeks. Because you treat infants the same way you’d treat a friend…
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John Boyega's Response To White Tears Is The Blackest Thing I've Ever Heard This Week
Earlier this week, while discussing Star Wars: The Force Awakens with my dad, I halfheartedly mentioned that I never was a huge fan of the Star Wars series. I didn’t dislike them or anything. But I just never went gaga over them either. He paused, took off his glasses, and gave me a look that could…
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How 2015 Was Drenched in White Tears
Abigail Fisher is the average-est white woman in the history of average white women. Her averageness is so average, it’s aggressive. Enthusiastic. Transformative. It boldly goes where no average has gone before. She’s unambiguously average. Obnoxiously average. Disruptively average. If she were a character in Star Wars, her name would be Darth Average. She’s to “average…
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Six Reasons Why Serena's Sportsperson Of The Year Honor Is The Blackest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
1. Because Serena’s cover effectively turned Sports Illustrated into a late-90s King Magazine. My goodness. 2. Fortunately for men currently in relationships with women, Serena Williams also happens to be one of the few women it’s acceptable to, well, openly “appreciate.” (Basically, if you get caught liking an Instagram “model’s” picture, you might catch a sideeye. You…
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How Being Petty Won 2015
On July 21 at 11:46 p.m., Meek Mill, upset that Drake didn’t help him promote his recent album, took to Twitter to announce to his millions of followers that Drake doesn’t write his own rhymes. Then, 11 minutes later, he tweeted that he wouldn’t have even allowed Drake to be on his album if he…
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What Would R. Kelly Have to Do to Make His Supporters Turn Against Him?
Last week R. Kelly was invited onstage to perform at the Soul Train Awards—an event that was as close to a Memorial Day BBQ at a black family’s house as you’ll ever see on live TV. The only thing missing was an uncle in tube socks and flip-flops burning his shins while deep-frying a turkey.…
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Omarion Was Right: Any Song With "Eat The Booty Like Groceries" In It Deserves A Grammy
As we’re all quite aware of already, the 2016 Grammy nominations were released this morning. King Kendrick led the field with a whopping 11 noms, confirming that Kendrick’s 2015 will be one of those years remembered much more fondly by music critics than music fans. (And, before you get your pitchforks out, I’m not saying…
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The Difference Between ‘white people’ and ‘White People’
Last week I read a piece you wrote called “The Friendly, Caring, and Kind Crossing Guard on My Block Hates Muslims.” It talked about your reaction to this usually nice, white-lady crossing guard making an offhandedly bigoted remark about Muslims to you. Anyway, I’m bringing it up because of something you said in it: “Sometimes you…
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Two Days Ago, I Became A Dad. Here's What I've Learned Since Then
1. In the 48 hours since our daughter was born, my wife and I have received hundreds of texts, calls, emails, visits, and other forms of congratulations. I’ve also been asked dozens of questions. (“Did you change her diaper yet?” “Are you getting any sleep?” “When you go out tomorrow, can you get me some coconut…
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Kobe Bryant Is the Best Kobe Bryant of All Time
Sunday afternoon, while much of the country was either watching NFL games or fantasizing about rib eyes and milk shakes while completing day 3 of their annual post-Thanksgiving Day green-juice cleanse, Kobe Bryant announced that this NBA season would be his last. The news was both completely shocking and completely foreseeable. Because while it made…
