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Who Gets Your Vote in 2020: The Night King or Donald Trump?
Perhaps the most depressing part of Darth Cheeto’s reign in office is that unless he’s impeached (which could but probably won’t happen), arrested (which could but probably won’t happen), quits (which could but probably won’t happen) or dies (which … no comment), he will run again in 2020, and I’m not confident that anyone would…
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Is Lawrence From Insecure Trash? An Important Debate
It’s a question that has dominated the conversations about Insecure, both on Facebook and Twitter and at happy hour and game nights. Of course, Lawrence wasn’t the main character on the show, and Insecure featured several other compelling storylines, but there seems to be a consensus about each non-Lawrence character and subsequent character arc. Molly’s…
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White House Calls for ESPN to Fire Jemele Hill for Telling the Truth About Y’all’s Triflin’-Ass President
During a press briefing this afternoon, sentient Mein Kampf audiobook Sarah Huckabee Sanders suggested that ESPN should fire Jemele Hill for her recent tweets about Darth Cheeto, continuing the trend of people on the right declaring everyone else to be snowflakes and then melting like a snow cone in a dumpster fire whenever someone dares…
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Serena Williams Debuts Photo of Daughter Who Will Beat Maria Sharapova in 16 Years Too
It hasn’t been a good couple of weeks for Darth Maria. Her memoir—the hilariously titled Unstoppable—has been roundly panned for Sharapova’s cluelessness and willingness to employ racially tinged language when reflecting on her one-sided rivalry with Serena Williams. Also, as many have articulated, naming her book Unstoppable when she’s best known for being stopped 18…
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Thug Charged With Shooting and Critically Injuring Homeless Man After He Asked Her to Move Her Porsche
I know that there are those who, after reading this headline and seeing the picture attached to this piece—a young and blond and smirking white woman’s mug shot—will consider the use of “thug” to be intentionally sensationalistic, a shameless troll wrapped in a paradox intended to elicit reaction. Of course, if you’re aware that white…
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Thoughts on #EbonyOwes From a Man Who Owes His Career to Ebony
It was October 2011. I was in New York City for an Essence magazine photo shoot and feature on relationship bloggers—a collective that included Demetria Lucas (A Belle in Brooklyn), Jozen Cummings (Until I Get Married) and Anslem Samuel (Naked With Socks On). The shoot was at 5. I got downtown early so I could…
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Darth Maria Becky Sharapova Is the 2nd-Whitest Woman on Earth
Imagine, if you will, the level of raw and uncut caucasity necessary to be most famous for … losing to your fiercest rival so many consecutive times that said rival got so bored that she went out and had a freakin’ baby just so that the baby could eventually beat your ass, too, and injecting…
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Why Do So Many White People Want to Bone the American Flag?
Two weeks ago, Insecure was criticized for airing a scene where the women on the show discussed the sexual and racial politics of blow jobs. Namely, that fellatio was the reason niggas either date white women or marry the few black women willing to give it. For a show that’s usually—and sometimes painstakingly—relevant, it felt…
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Whiteness Is Useless Without the Nigger
“What would white people do without the nigger?” It’s a question that courses and bleeds through Ta-Nehisi Coates’ “The First White President.” It’s never asked explicitly, but it lurks beneath each point, ensconced in the piece’s premise: a fundamental and connective marrow. And it’s been with me since Sunday afternoon after I visited the National…
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10 Signs You’re One of Those Wack-Ass People Who Don’t Like ‘Bodak Yellow’
Because I’m a weird and curmudgeonly fuck who doesn’t go to clubs and while driving listens only to Waze and Spotify playlists mostly consisting of Kanye and the Inception soundtrack, before last weekend, I’d heard about Cardi B’s “Bodak Yellow” more times than I had actually heard it. By a pretty significant margin, too. While…
