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The Cop Suing James Blake for Defamation After Racially Profiling and Assaulting Him Is the Whitest Thing That Ever Happened This Week
Yesterday evening, my not-quite-2-year-old daughter asked for a piece of spicy shrimp that I was eating. I knew she wouldn’t like it, so I shook my head and told her, “Trust me, little baby person, you won’t like this.” Unconvinced, she continued to ask—and for context, her asking is just her looking at me and…
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How Many (White) People Have to Die Before America Gives a Damn About Its Gun Problem?
At the time of writing, the death toll from the Las Vegas terrorist attack stands at 58—a number that will undoubtedly rise as the day continues and may continue to rise for the following week(s). These people and several hundred others were allegedly shot by 64-year-old Stephen Paddock as he took position on the 32nd…
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I’m Scared to Death I Won’t Be Able to Protect My 2-Year-Old Daughter From Her Own Country
Full disclosure: The headline is a lie. My daughter isn’t actually 2 years old yet. She’ll be 2 next month. But I remember, before she was born, making fun of parents who’d tell you their child’s age in months instead of years. And then I became one of those parents. So today, this is me…
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Everyone Is Stupid. When Did Everyone Get So Stupid? Has Everyone Always Been This Stupid?
Ray Lewis dresses like a guilty man. This is what immediately came to mind yesterday as I was reading that the Baltimore Ravens have had to hire extra security for the statue of Lewis outside of M&T Bank Stadium. Lewis, of course, knelt during the national anthem before Baltimore’s game in London—an act that was…
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Pittsburgh-Area Fire Chief Resigns After Calling Mike Tomlin the N-Word on Facebook, Blames His Racism on … the Media?
If reincarnation is real, I hope that I come back as a cheetah or a jaguar or some other fast and sexy jungle cat after I die. I already enjoy yawning, taking long naps and watching Animal Planet, so I imagine the transition wouldn’t be too stark. If I cannot be one of those things,…
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W.Va. High School Taunts Inner-City Pittsburgh High School Football Team With ‘Trump Perry’ Sign
Perry Traditional Academy is a predominantly black high school, located on Pittsburgh’s North Side and a five- to seven-minute drive away from my house. My brother-in-law graduated from there last year. (He was also a first-team All-City basketball player. He can’t beat me yet, but he is pretty good.) On Friday, Perry traveled to Wellsburg,…
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Did Mike Tomlin Pull Some Black-Ass Judo With His Answer to Why the Steelers Stayed in the Locker Room?
The present-day Pittsburgh Steelers exist as a paradox. They have been led, for the last 11 years, by a black coach who was considered for the position in large part because of the Rooney Rule—a policy requiring NFL teams to interview minority candidates for coaching and upper-management positions. The rule is named after Dan Rooney—the…
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Dotard in Chief Calls the Mothers of Peaceful NFL Protesters ‘Bitches’
In an unhinged rant while stumping for Republican Sen. Luther Strange of Alabama, Darth Cheeto went Full Darth Cheeto (again) and blamed the NFL’s declining ratings on protesting and … penalties, called for protesting NFL players to be fired, and asked the crowd if they’d “love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody…
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Piers Morgan Is Allowed to Say ‘Nigga’ if We’re Allowed to Smack the Pumpkin Spice out of Him When He Does
Caucasoid Pez dispenser dipped in a vat of rancid Hellmann’s Piers Morgan asked and answered the world’s most disingenuous question yesterday in a column that addressed a clip of University of New Hampshire sorority girls singing along to Kanye West’s “Gold Digger.” Morgan, a flaccid portmanteau of Alfred from Batman and dead Andrew Breitbart, blamed…
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Types of Black Privilege, Ranked
20. Just got a fresh shape-up yesterday and everyone’s treating you like you’re a half-inch taller than you actually are privilege 19. While some niggas have to dip themselves in a vat of Palmer’s 3.5-ounce Cocoa Butter Formula every morning just to leave the house, you somehow just never get ashy privilege (an underrated privilege)…
