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A 246-Word-Long Review of Drake's Scorpion
You ever put a frozen waffle in the toaster but not quite long enough and you bite into it and the inside is still frozen? But you don’t want to put it back in the toaster, so you eat that sad-ass, half-froze waffle while pretending it ain’t a sad-ass, half-froze waffle? And then you go…
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25 Questions for the Random White People Who Try to Touch My Baby in Public
1. Why do you think it’s cool to try to touch my baby? 2. Do you realize that my baby is 2? 3. And that she literally just learned the concepts of “yes” and “no” a year ago? 4. Which means that even if she says “yes” when you ask her if you can touch…
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30 Ways White People Say 'Black People' Without Actually Saying 'Black People'
1. Urban 2. Inner city 3. At risk 4. Low income 5. Thug 6. Welfare recipient/dependent 7. Any out of context reference to Chicago (This, btw, also works for Detroit.) 8. Drug dealer (Interestingly enough, not drug addict. Perhaps because drug addict implies a passivity and victimhood that drug dealer does not.) 9. Single parent(s)…
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Antwon Rose Jr. and When White Privilege Kills Black People
The funeral for Antwon Rose Jr. took place Monday morning at Woodland Hills Intermediate School in Swissvale, a borough that sits several miles east of Pittsburgh. Like the East Pittsburgh borough where Rose was killed, Swissvale is one of at least a dozen different intersecting municipalities that Pittsburgh’s eastern suburbs consist of. I went to…
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40 Ways White People Say ‘White People’ Without Actually Saying ‘White People’
1. Americans 2. Real Americans 3. Middle America 4. Working-class Americans 5. Patriots 6. Europeans 7. Southerners 8. Midwesterners 9. Millennials 10. Christians 11. Evangelicals 12. Red-state voters 13. Rust Belt voters 14. Conservatives 15. Republicans 16. Suburbanites 17. Gentrifiers 18. Families 19. Veterans 20. Soccer moms 21. Management 22. Law enforcement 23. Hardworking Americans…
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Melania Trump Is Just a Typical White Woman. That’s All
Melania Trump exists in what appears to be a loveless relationship with her husband. And that’s it. Aside from the mysterious illness she battled a month ago, the lovelessness of her marriage is the only thing about her that would suggest that she’s worthy of any sort of sympathy. And a loveless marriage ain’t even…
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Antwon Rose Was Our Nephew
I spent last Saturday afternoon, as I have many Saturday afternoons in the past six years, with my 17-year-old nephew and 19-year-old brother-in-law. I first met them when my wife and I began dating in late 2012, and was happy to discover that they both loved and played basketball. Since then, I have drilled with…
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17-Year-Old Killed by Pittsburgh-Area Police; Reportedly Shot in the Back While Running Away
Details are still emerging, but what is known now is the following: At approximately 8:20 p.m. Tuesday, according to the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, police responded to a shooting in North Braddock, Pa., a borough 11 miles east of Pittsburgh. Apparently, a car was seen fleeing the scene, according to witnesses. A vehicle matching the description was…
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Stop Pretending You Actually Gave a Shit About XXXTentacion’s ‘Growth’ and Potential
My only context for XXXTentacion is a terrible one. I first became aware of him several months ago, after reading about how his star was rising not just in spite of the numerous crimes he allegedly committed but specifically because of them. He was back off my radar until a month ago, when Spotify sought…
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A List of Things That Happen Within the 1st Hour After Beyoncé Drops New Music
In chronological order: I happened to be at the Ross Park Mall on Saturday afternoon, walking from the food court to Macy’s in search of a Father’s Day gift for my dad, when I happened to notice 17 black women, laid on the mall floor, paralyzed in shock, mouths agape and wigs snatched all the…
