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As Ugly As President Trump Is, He's Just A Mirror For White America
Earlier today, while millions of Americans prepared to get hit by what’s expected to be a devastating hurricane, the man America elected president got on an app and denied the existences of thousands of Americans—claiming that their deaths were fabricated by his political rivals to make him look bad. We are likely stuck with this…
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An Open Letter to the People Who Drive This Snitch-Ass, Cop-Ass Ford Explorer
Hello. First off, I’m aware you may very well be a kind and nice and Beyoncé-fearing citizen, but go fuck yourself. No offense, but I mean that from the bottom of my heart—the same heart, by the way, that you give palpitations to whenever I happen to see your ass behind me. I thumb my…
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Has Valerie Scogin, the Teacher Who Said Black People Should Go Back to Africa, Ever Taken a DNA Test? Because, Well …
There have been and will continue to be calls for Valerie Scogin — the Louisiana school teacher who essentially called black people lazy animals who should go back to Africa—to be suspended and/or fired. These demands have merit, because not only is Scogin racist, she got her “facts” from a MAGA fortune cookie. And since…
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When You're Black and in America, Even Victories Sometimes Feel Like Defeats
There was a moment — a few moments, actually — directly following Barack Obama’s win in 2008 when I think I felt how it feels to be a white American. I’ve never actually been white, so this thought is based on a generous presumption. But when I think of whiteness in a micro context and…
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Why I Hate Biopics
So the title is a lie. Any list of my all-time favorite movies would include both Goodfellas and Malcolm X in it—both of which are biopics—and there many others that I’ve enjoyed watching. So, as a rule, I do not actually hate watching movies that are based on a real person’s life and the events…
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White People Just Keep White Peopleing
It would be wildly disingenuous to claim that I was disappointed in The New Yorker editor David Remnick’s decision to feature sentient barrow of racist cat jizz Steve Bannon at The New Yorker’s fall festival. Because that would mean I still possess the capacity to be disappointed by white people, and I do not. I…
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The 10 Best, Blackest, Messiest and Ugliest Moments From Aretha Franklin's Epic Marathon Homegoing
1. At 3:30 p.m. Friday afternoon—a time which was already 30 minutes past the very optimistic target ending time on the agenda for Aretha Franklin’s homegoing—my wife and I left the house during Rev. Jesse Jackson’s speech to buy a mattress for a bed delivered to us the day before. When we returned two whole-ass…
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Yeah, This Might Be Jason Whitlock’s Worst and Saddest Take Ever
Sentient pile of repurposed lamp-heated rotisserie pork rinds Jason Whitlock has descended so far into the abyss of oafish takes and porkpie hats that my feelings about him have shifted from annoyance to contempt to where they exist now, which is pity. The things he says about race and culture—on Twitter and on his show—aren’t…
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Donald Trump Does Not Want That Smoke From Andrew Gillum
Admittedly, I do not know much about Andrew Gillum. I know he won the Democratic nomination in Florida’s primary race for governor, beating heavy favorite Gwen Graham. I know he’s the mayor of Tallahassee. I know he graduated from Florida A&M—which is why every FAMU grad I’m Facebook friends with had 22,000 word-long status messages…
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John McCain Was a White American Hero
John McCain was a white American man, whose whiteness and Americanness and maleness were his most prominent and predictable characteristics. He was also considered to be a hero. Barack Obama spoke on McCain’s “courage to put the greater good above our own.” Joe Biden remarked that McCain’s life was “proof that some truths are timeless.”…
