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NBA Players Who Would’ve Had Better Careers If They Had Megan Thee Stallion’s Vibranium-Enhanced Knees, Ranked
1. Chris Webber 2. Anfernee Hardaway 3. Bernard King 4. Brandon Roy 5. Yao Ming 6. Derrick Rose 7. Amar’e Stoudamire 8. Tim Hardaway 9. Gilbert Arenas 10. Baron Davis 11. DeMarcus Cousins 12. Allan Houston 13. Fat Lever 14. Danny Manning 15. Greg Oden 16. Shaun Livingston 17. Jamal Mashburn 18. Jonathan Bender 19.…
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Should Salads Be on Plates or in Bowls? (A Short Debate About a Dumb Thing People Do)
I eat salads often now, because I have transitioned to a phase of my life where I’m expected to eat them often, and I don’t want to subvert those expectations. I’m so immersed in salad culture, so attuned to the salad zeitgeist, that my affinity for leafy greens lightly fondled by zesty liquids precedes me.…
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Pittsburgh Is the Worst City in America for Black People. Here's How It Can Get Better
If you need an example of the level of danger Pittsburgh’s black population faces for just living in the city, drive down Centre Avenue, go through the Hill District and then North Oakland, and then stop once you find yourself in front of UPMC Shadyside. Park your car, get out, and survey the beautiful campus…
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Joe Biden Appears to Be The Last Person to Realize That Joe Biden Will Never Be President
Between two and four times a week, I come home from whatever it is I was doing before, I change into gym-appropriate clothes, I stuff a four-year-old Gap Kids baby bag repurposed as a gym bag with a pair of Kyrie 5s, a knee brace, extra socks, and a T-shirt, and I make the drive…
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Cracker, Explained (In 450 Words!)
Really? What? This is what we’re doing today? A cracker explainer? In 2019? It is. And I’m as shocked as you are. Why Damon? Last week, it was reported that then-Los Angeles Raider Antonio Brown, during a heated argument, called Raiders general manager Mike Mayock a cracker. Then-Raider Antonio Brown? He’s not with them anymore?…
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Donald Trump, the President of the United States of America, Was Also Accused of Rape 3 Months Ago
There should be a word to describe the thing that happens when you have a new favorite word for a month or so and you become so enamored with it that you inject it into as many conversations as you can. For instance, right now that word for me is zeitgeist. I’ve always had a…
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All the Worst White People Love Dave Chappelle's Sticks and Stones
It’s a device you’ll often see in comedies. A character enters a room that’s packed with people. There’s a meeting happening. Or perhaps a party. But just as the character begins to settle, he looks around and notices that the room is a completely different place than where he expected to be, and the audience…
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A Second-By-Second Recap of That Bizarre, Ridiculous and Utterly Perfect KOCO-TV 'Gorilla' Apology Video
0:08: The first shot you see is one of KOCO-TV morning anchors Alex Housden and Jason Hackett seated next to each other, with approximately six inches of space separating them. Housden looks frantic and harried like she just completed a seance for a whiteness Voltron that hasn’t yet arrived. Hackett looks like he’s waiting for…
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A Case for Why Jay-Z Should Forget About the NFL and Just Buy a Popeyes Franchise
Of the myriad possible metaphors for the Popeyes Chicken Sandwich craze of 2019—which is a thing I will tell my kids about when they ask how America voted for Donald Trump—my favorite is that the sandwich itself represents heaven. The line to wait for the sandwich? That’s life on Earth. Those who get their sandwiches…
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Poor People Are Already Financially Literate. They Just Need More Money
I don’t remember when exactly I first realized there was such a thing as class. I think I might have been 10 or 11, but I’m not certain. But even before I possessed the language to articulate class distinctions, I understood them. I knew where my family existed on that spectrum. I knew what where…
