-
My Little Girl Turns Three Today. Here’s a Story About My Dad, Her ‘Peepaw’
In the summer of 1990, each day the weather and his schedule permitted, my dad and I would leave our rowhouse on Mellon Street and walk four blocks up Hays Street to the basketball courts lurking behind what was then Peabody High School. Once there, we’d park at one of the “good” hoops — either…
-
Things That Are Racist, Ranked
50. Gravity. 49. Cold weather. 48. Stop signs. 47. Chicken-fried steak. 46. Astrology. 45. Male pattern baldness. 44. Kawhi Leonard’s laugh. 43. Gout. 42. Daylight saving time. 41. Internet browsing and chat histories. 40. White people, generally. 39. Colonoscopy prep. 38. Wet socks. 37. The apartment buildings that are erected in urban spaces after they’ve…
-
10 Awkward AF Things That Soliciting Blurbs for Your Book Also Feels Like
The writing of blurbs—the succinct quotes of praise from an author’s peers that exist on a book’s front and back covers—has become a “nuclear arms race” that can drain blurb writers of their most valuable asset (time), writes Marie Myung-Ok Lee yesterday in an extensive feature on this quirk of the publishing industry. (A piece…
-
I Think I'm Done Pretending to Enjoy Cold Weather
“Oh,” I’d say, occasionally and irritatingly, to the people who’d lament the approaching cold, “but what about the sweaters?” Of course, I don’t wear sweaters. I own sweaters—many luxurious sweaters, and some even from The Gap. But I don’t wear them anymore because I don’t like how they look on my body. Instead, I wear…
-
Throw Away Your Romaine Lettuce and Then Put the Rest of These Trash Foods in the Trash, Too
Jello Green bean casserole Turkey lunch meat Dates Boiled hot dogs Cottage cheese Coconut water Tiramisu Candy corn Easter Peeps Iceberg lettuce All puddings Mountain Dew Beets Turkey bacon Chicken nuggets Gin Pumpkin-flavored anything Hard-boiled eggs Caviar Prunes Hard pretzels Marriott Rewards Continental Breakfast sausage gravy Muffins Brownies Relish Unsweetened iced tea Coffee Sauerkraut Beer-battered…
-
Racist White Woman Sues Bank of New York Mellon; Claims She Was Fired Because She's a…Racist White Woman
Perhaps there should be a section at Giant Eagle or Whole Foods (or any other supermarket with a bakery) that’s solely devoted to racist pastries. Racist donuts, racist cookies, racist pies, racist cannoli—a one-stop shop for all of your bigoted baked goods. You could even have racist bakers who specialize in flakey racist sweet treats.…
-
Dear White People: Please Get the Fuck Out of Michelle Obama’s Pockets
There is, I believe, a conversation that could be had about an unease we (black people) might have with the Obamas’ post-White House relationship with money. And not just with money as a tangible object, but in surrounding themselves with it and being ensconced in markers and signifiers of it. The word “Obama” has crossed…
-
What Happens When You Visit The Root’s Office With Exposed (and Moderately Ashy) Ankles
I flew to New York City last Thursday for The Root 100 gala and left yesterday evening after a marketing meeting at Harper Collins for my book. In the time between, I 1) hosted a happy hour with Panama at my hotel, 2) went to karaoke after said happy hour and sang very on-brand renditions…
-
Galleys, Explained
What happened? Is what what you think you’re seeing? No, it’s not. Not yet at least. (Also, chill with the nigga chants. We don’t know each other like that. I don’t even know if you’re black.) Yes and no. Just “now?” I have time. What you’re looking at are called galleys. A galley is a…
-
Our Parents Might Not Have Known Better About Spanking. We Do
In two weeks, my daughter will be 3 years old. And then, two weeks after her birthday, if things happen when we’re expecting them to, she’ll be a big sister. This will make me, for lack of a better term, a fucking dad. I mean, I’ve been a dad already for (almost) three years. But…
