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Maybe It’s Time to Just Burn Down Every Plantation
The most telling revelation from the now-concluded spectacular first season of Watchmen came directly after its first episode and was inspired by its first scene—a reenactment of the Greenwood Massacre. Like many, I was surprised that HBO would launch a big-budget prestige series about angsty superheroes with a depiction of the government-sanctioned slaughter of hundreds…
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Pittsburgh Doesn’t Deserve Mike Tomlin
So this premise is already operating at a deficit: If born, I guess, you deserve the ability to continue living, and whatever’s necessary to achieve that goal—food, water, safety, shelter, etc.—exists under that umbrella. But once we get into concepts like happiness and fulfillment, our application of “deserve” becomes nebulous, as it gets conflated with…
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If You See Someone With a Plate of Half-Eaten Wings, They Probably Just Had Some Trash Wings, That's All
A now-viral image of five chicken wings—each in a different state of completion—has lit the internet on fire, sparking arguments, ending friendships, and even getting niggas disinvited to gender-reveal clambakes. In the image, each wing is listed from 1 to 5, representing the spectrum from “barely-nibbled” to “did you just eat the bone too?” And,…
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Quiz: How 'Black, But Not Like You Regular Blacks' Are You?
1. As a kid, what music did you listen to? A) I was that eclectic and special and unusual black kid who listened to Steely Dan and Jodeci. I think that’s why I got into Brown. (14 points) B) Whatever I wanted to listen to. I don’t understand this question. (0 points) C) Mostly stuff…
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NBA Player Calls Black Women 'Bulldogs,' Then Defends Himself by…Quoting Dr. King?
I think I have some thoughts today about Patrick Patterson, the NBA player who implied that black women are “bulldogs” in an Instagram comment while defending his marriage to Sarah Nasser (a white woman). I think it’s funny seeing him referred to as an “NBA Star” in write-ups about this story, cause that’s like calling…
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Why 'Cancel Culture' Doesn't Exist
What do the Loch Ness Monster, Santa Claus, hot Travis Scott verses, and “cancel culture” have in common? They don’t exist! (Or perhaps they only exist on tracks also featuring Drake.) Watch for some raw and uncut fallacy debunking, and stay for a useful list on who we should actually cancel.
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The NFL Is Just Not That Into Colin Kaepernick, and This Sham 'Workout' Proves It
While thinking about the nebulous “workout” the NFL recently offered to Colin Kaepernick, I’m reminded of…He’s Just Not That Into You. Which, well, let me explain: Like most other zeitgeist-driving cultural entities of the early aughts, the general premise of the book and subsequent film He’s Just Not That Into You hasn’t aged well. Back…
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40 Questions for the People Who Stand as Soon as the Plane Lands
(Disclaimer: If you’re physically impaired in some capacity and need to stand as soon as the plane lands, please ignore this and keep standing! If not, well, answer me!) 1. Where are you going? 2. Do you not yet realize that we are going to the same place? 3. And that the door is shut?…
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10 Worthwhile Hobbies For These Bored Billionaires Who So Obviously Need Them
1. Cross-country road trips, where they drive to different states just to hunt and eat other rich people. 2. Provide funding for a commercial airline where the people who stand when the plane first lands are immediately ejected from it, shot into the atmosphere, and melted by the sun. 3. Go to the moon, and…
