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Are We Obligated to Snitch on and Publicly Shame Coronavirus Deniers?
If you’re the type of person who believes, for instance, that AIDS can be cured with paprika, your belief is definitely dangerous, and you probably need some lotion. But because the Venn diagram of “people who think mailboxes cause diabetes” and “people living in their aunt’s basements who still write their names on their orange…
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We're Just Not Built for This (and It's Fine to Admit That)
When faced with a life-altering and potentially life-ending crisis—a cancer diagnosis, for instance, or a terrorist attack—the performance of resilience can be an anesthetic; an anxiety-engulfing balm that allows us to make space for an effective counter-punch. Also, it just feels good to tell ourselves and others that “We got this” and “We’re built for…
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A Social Distancing Silver Lining? The Complete Eradication of Small Talk
If you know me, it shouldn’t be a shock to you that this social distancing thing feels specifically tailored for me—-a bespoke social mandate. (If you don’t know me, I’m a Capricorn and apparently an INTJ; distinctions that greatly matter to the people they matter to, and don’t mean shit to anyone else.) Of course…
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America's Response to the Coronavirus Is a Natural Consequence of White Supremacy
It’s crucial to remember, when attempting to place both the Trump presidency and the devotion he still receives today in the proper context, that the idea that white people have voted and will continue to vote against their self-interests when supporting him is a fallacy. He is president because, for his tens of millions of…
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You're Working From Home, Stressed, and Want to Defeat the Coronavirus? Masturbate!
In just the past 24 hours, the NBA suspended its season, the NCAA suspended most conference tournaments (and, by the time you read this, might have already postponed the NCAA tournament), countless schools and universities have shuttered their campuses, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson revealed that they have the coronavirus, and we were collectively reminded,…
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Donald Trump Will NOT Catch the Coronavirus, So Don't Pray For It to Happen or Try to Speak It Into Existence
I’m not quite sure when exactly it happened, but at some point in the past week my coronavirus-related anxiety shifted from “this is a thing I should think about, I guess” to “this is a thing I should actively worry about.” Even if we’re able to effectively contain the spread of it, it now seems…
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An Open Letter to the (White) Men in Airport Restrooms Who Refuse to Wash Their Hands
Hey Thad. It is Thad, right? How did I know that was your name? Lucky guess, I guess. Anyway, I know you’re in a rush. We’re in Gate A and your flight to Austin boards in 22 minutes from Gate E, and Charlotte Douglas International Airport is arbitrarily and unnecessarily massive, so I’ll keep this…
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A Eulogy for 'But What About Harvey Weinstein, Tho?'
We regret to inform you that “But What About Harvey Weinstein, Tho?”—the bizarre and increasingly popular defense of R. Kelly, Russell Simmons, Bill Cosby and any other black man some (idiots) feel has been unfairly persecuted and scapegoated by the media, feminists, black women, SANS (simp-ass niggas), Oprah Winfrey, Gayle King, and the Illuminati—has died…
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My Life as a Black Who Flies First Class
“What do you call a black man in first class?” I asked the gate agent, as I stood first in the first-class line, so I could be first in first class. I like to be first in first class, so I can sit first and watch all the white people watching me, the black man…
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Snoop Doesn't Love Kobe, He Just Hates Black Women
Unless you belong to an arbitrarily specific religion that prays exclusively to Gayle King and/or Oprah Winfrey, neither of those women are gods. Which means that neither is infallible. And if, for instance, you allowed Gayle to borrow your last $20 and she refuses to pay you back, or you invited Oprah to a game…
